replying on Marrowless highway by INTRANSIT
6 Nov 2003, 7:04 PM
OH! the Vibe, damn - good one. And Crossfire too (I missed that the first time) - wait - where is the vibe?
ACT2600 is the clutch. And yep on the MSD (MSD DIS-2). And here's another for you (install to finish this weekend, hopefully) ZEX... ;O)
ACT2600 is the clutch. And yep on the MSD (MSD DIS-2). And here's another for you (install to finish this weekend, hopefully) ZEX... ;O)
on Marrowless highway by INTRANSIT
6 Nov 2003, 6:52 PM
I get it - CARachters; a coinage!
a blown radiator - is one car heaped onto another?
car clues: [mercury] sable, [plymouth] voyager, [i forgot, honda?] Escape? hemi as partial - cute.
here are some car cues of mine:
16G,1G BOV,2600ACT,AFC,MSD - is that enough to guess what it is?
a blown radiator - is one car heaped onto another?
car clues: [mercury] sable, [plymouth] voyager, [i forgot, honda?] Escape? hemi as partial - cute.
here are some car cues of mine:
16G,1G BOV,2600ACT,AFC,MSD - is that enough to guess what it is?
on BREATH by ShaNoN+960317485
6 Nov 2003, 8:48 AM
greets ShabigNlittleOHbigN
A clever riddle, pleasantly done. Didja mean to leave the "e" off of hast[e]? Hard to tell with the dialect.
A clever riddle, pleasantly done. Didja mean to leave the "e" off of hast[e]? Hard to tell with the dialect.
on God bless your stool plop by <{Baba^Yaga}>
6 Nov 2003, 8:35 AM
I'm sorry, this is crap.
In all your personalities you show a gift for fresh perspective - and that comes easily to you.
But this putting it into a readable form thing; harder, eh?
- when you find that the poem just drops out of you, instead of just posting the shit - how about spending a little time to form it into something presentable?
Maybe then you won't need nine avatars to carry things to the screen.
The shock of the stink only carries you so far (or I've just gotten used to it).
In all your personalities you show a gift for fresh perspective - and that comes easily to you.
But this putting it into a readable form thing; harder, eh?
- when you find that the poem just drops out of you, instead of just posting the shit - how about spending a little time to form it into something presentable?
Maybe then you won't need nine avatars to carry things to the screen.
The shock of the stink only carries you so far (or I've just gotten used to it).
on A Truth About Mortals by Caducus
6 Nov 2003, 8:26 AM
Some really good concepts, like the boxed russian dolls, manufacturing linked with Taiwanese children, sardines brined from stress (sweaty sweaty) - but I think the thing could use a diet, and the meaning wanders a bit, imho (as usual).
for example, the word truth is there a few times too many maybe. Given what is here, ask yourself, again, what point(s) your are trying to make, and make a stab at refocusing it. You may find you have enough trimmings for another poem.
As a final thought - consider changing it to a third person. I know, I know - your poem conveys a personal message of self-definition - but I think you can do that, and hold the readers sympathies better if there is a character involved.
for example, the word truth is there a few times too many maybe. Given what is here, ask yourself, again, what point(s) your are trying to make, and make a stab at refocusing it. You may find you have enough trimmings for another poem.
As a final thought - consider changing it to a third person. I know, I know - your poem conveys a personal message of self-definition - but I think you can do that, and hold the readers sympathies better if there is a character involved.
on i love this shit by Yatasuma
5 Nov 2003, 12:35 PM
LoL - very funny.
five seven then five
do you need an abacus?
I counted this thrice.
five seven then five
do you need an abacus?
I counted this thrice.
on I AM THE BEST by ____________________
5 Nov 2003, 12:09 PM
oh god. My head hurts.
Three stanzas and I would have liked it just fine - I might have even repeated it to *myself* a hundred times after - cuz it's catchy.
Now I just want to take a pill and hope it goes away.
Three stanzas and I would have liked it just fine - I might have even repeated it to *myself* a hundred times after - cuz it's catchy.
Now I just want to take a pill and hope it goes away.
on The hypocrisy of calling it tolerance by impert&ent
4 Nov 2003, 7:27 PM
yeah, what TP said.
replying on The dog that loved a chicken by <{Baba^Yaga}>
4 Nov 2003, 7:24 PM
AND not his mother The Third Isis
replying on The dog that loved a chicken by <{Baba^Yaga}>
4 Nov 2003, 7:23 PM
AND Jeremi B Handrinos
replying on The dog that loved a chicken by <{Baba^Yaga}>
4 Nov 2003, 7:22 PM
AND Bachus
replying on The dog that loved a chicken by <{Baba^Yaga}>
4 Nov 2003, 7:21 PM
AND shardik
on My Secret by ThoughtfulSoul
4 Nov 2003, 12:30 PM
so sweet - and so sad.
I wonder about the "unique body" . . . I'd typically crit for the simple descriptors (doesn't show much, tells alot) - but they fit with the simple emotional theme, so; fine.
This would easily make a very nice ghazal.
I wonder about the "unique body" . . . I'd typically crit for the simple descriptors (doesn't show much, tells alot) - but they fit with the simple emotional theme, so; fine.
This would easily make a very nice ghazal.
on vampirism extrapolated by FreeFormFixation
4 Nov 2003, 8:23 AM
I just did in an excercise in my programming class where I had the students write a program that by simulating a vampire needing to feed everynight, and thereby converting another human into vampire - how long would it take to convert all the humans into vampires.
Turns out it takes just about a month to convert 6 billion people.
one of the "proofs" that vampires don't exist - but it makes a few arbitrary (and silly) assumptions.
as for the poem here - I feel like I need to munch on it more, but I do so hesitantly because there isn't much room for interpretation (not quite getting it).
I do like some of the bits in it:
"neck knives
red drops
stained scarf" is cool.
Turns out it takes just about a month to convert 6 billion people.
one of the "proofs" that vampires don't exist - but it makes a few arbitrary (and silly) assumptions.
as for the poem here - I feel like I need to munch on it more, but I do so hesitantly because there isn't much room for interpretation (not quite getting it).
I do like some of the bits in it:
"neck knives
red drops
stained scarf" is cool.
on advice by ThePariahDog
4 Nov 2003, 8:15 AM
it does have a bigger than life feel - and I'm gonna disagree with the dear with headlights; it is quite poetic (what isn't? Sounds like attitude to me).
I don't really get the bit about taking an adequate wife though - unconvincing our vague, somehow.
I don't really get the bit about taking an adequate wife though - unconvincing our vague, somehow.
on Nocturnal Emissions by EAger to Offend
3 Nov 2003, 6:25 PM
i think loose "-the city" and put a suitable modifier on "compost" (like "urban" or sumfin').
other than that, and the contradiction between being eager to offend and pursuing a hindu or buddhist way - not to shabby.
Massive points for the flowing "home-made mandala
Wallpaper"
other than that, and the contradiction between being eager to offend and pursuing a hindu or buddhist way - not to shabby.
Massive points for the flowing "home-made mandala
Wallpaper"
on A Fistful of Haiku for All Ages by HaikuMofo
3 Nov 2003, 6:04 PM
Very nice - Dennis Leary would be proud, you HWMF.
Kill Bill roxors.
Kill Bill roxors.
[wipes eye, ass; flushes]