DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

My Secret

Member since 2002 · Posted 4 Nov 2003 · 3 comments

Your pretty blue eyes and pale skin makes me want you. Your soft voice and innocent look makes me care for you. Your dark hair and your unique body makes me think about you. I want to talk to you, but I can't because fear has me by the neck and isn't letting go anytime soon. I know every moment I waste means someone might snatch you up, but my paralyzing fear locks my words inside of me. Courage is an idea that wasn't passed on to me and I know nothing of it. I know rejection isn't painful, but the idea of it is torture. If I had the strength to tell you my feelings, I would tell you how much I love you

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5847 views 247 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[7] Shuushin 4-Nov-03/12:30 PM Reply

so sweet - and so sad.

I wonder about the "unique body" . . . I'd typically crit for the simple descriptors (doesn't show much, tells alot) - but they fit with the simple emotional theme, so; fine.

This would easily make a very nice ghazal.

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> 4-Nov-03/1:55 PM Reply

My Secret Person Torment Staying Sane Happy Kid "Turmoil Prelude to a Legend Legend Alone The Trail Confusion Rain Doesn't Seem to Stop Playing Games Bottom Can't See Black Heart Disbeliever Self Winged Beauty Blinded by Your Kiss Reality Day Dream The One I think About Existence"

If you put all of your titles together? It looks just like one of those signs that those Jesus freaks carry in the subways of New York. Facinating, truly fricken fascinating.

[n/a] deleted user 27-Sep-04/9:01 AM Reply

If two things (pretty blue eyes and pale skin) are causing the reaction, the proper verb would be "make", not "makes."
"Pretty blue eyes" is ho-hum, unimaginative and fundamentally undescriptive. You are telling, not letting the poem do the work that leads us to understand what it is about those eyes that is so special.
Unique body? Again, a classification w/o an image. Sounds more like a customized car than a woman.
Because I don't come inside the experience but only hear it described in mundane terms, this comes off as an uninteresting diary entry.