asherman27 Sep 2004

If two things (pretty blue eyes and pale skin) are causing the reaction, the proper verb would be "make", not "makes."
"Pretty blue eyes" is ho-hum, unimaginative and fundamentally undescriptive. You are telling, not letting the poem do the work that leads us to understand what it is about those eyes that is so special.
Unique body? Again, a classification w/o an image. Sounds more like a customized car than a woman.
Because I don't come inside the experience but only hear it described in mundane terms, this comes off as an uninteresting diary entry.