Re: a comment on In Answer To Your Question by Dovina	28-Jan-05/12:47 PM
But why is it better to do more?
Re: a comment on In Answer To Your Question by Dovina	28-Jan-05/12:34 PM
The argument gets interesting when you make the logical jump from something being stronger, to something being better - or smarter being better.
Re: a comment on In Answer To Your Question by Dovina	28-Jan-05/12:20 PM
I think what you have is clearly expressing the idea, and the idea makes sense - just, yes - its more verbosely stated than is my preference. Turns out that in most cases they are indeed promising more than they will deliver. Not sure how it is in Europe, but in the US more marriages fail than not.
Re: Hades Ain't Far Enough by MacFrantic	28-Jan-05/10:11 AM
"dread upon the dalliers" - nice I like this one, MF.
Re: a comment on Dream of a Vanilla Sky by smlink84	27-Jan-05/8:34 PM
I saw this movie yesterday - it made me uncomfortable to the point where twice I wanted to eject it, but didn't. Very glad I stuck with it, it was a wonderful and beautiful movie - not an easy movie. Btw, I doubt this smlink dude was even thinking of that flick, he was more likely referencing the *painting*.
Re: thoughts on a long lazy day by francis nor capule	27-Jan-05/8:13 PM
purity often wins.
Re: Waiting for October by wilco	27-Jan-05/8:12 PM
"The flower’s been washed clean." specify flower - fix meter. "The ghosts are coming through" - weak description - fixable.
Re: In Answer To Your Question by Dovina	27-Jan-05/2:59 PM
3 spaces between comma and the "I'll" in the 3rd stanza I guess it works as a "prose poem" - but why? This could be said in far fewer words and cleaner as a less verbose (or nounose) poem.
Re: Your Eyes Are Like Stearling Saphires in the month of June by tisa7	27-Jan-05/2:37 PM
Hi t7 - a pretty thing, but a couple spellings: "Sterling", "Sapphires" and "threw" should be "through" and I don't know if you meant "painful" or did the painflu on purpose. "in to" should prolly be "into"
Re: "I" became "We" by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	25-Jan-05/5:19 PM
I like these - I'm not keen on the god theme (and I noticed you capitalized it here, and not on the last one) and I think it would be fine without it - but hey - it's your thang. Carry on.
Re: Before I met you by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	25-Jan-05/5:10 PM
That is pretty damn sweet, I gotta say. Enjoy the emotion, my friend - enjoy the emotion. couple spellings for you if you like: "wasen't" s/b "wasn't", "haden't", "hadn't" - except, as you may know - the misspellings add to the effect of the poem. Good luck.
Re: a comment on Feudal Conflict by Dovina	25-Jan-05/3:34 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origins_of_chess or, http://tinyurl.com/498vh Short answer - nobody knows for sure.
Re: Road of Means by MacFrantic	25-Jan-05/2:32 PM
You're gonna haveta help me with this one I think. I'm trying at least - ozone layer destruction? It is a very nice start to something - but I think I need, or most people will need, more to get involved.
Re: An Ode To Mr. Moon (Acrostic) by Bhaskaryya	25-Jan-05/2:27 PM
"Revivifying " don't see that one much. Consisten rhyming scheme, with a change on the refrain. Kasturi is Indian, no? You might want to trim some prepositions, maybe? Why do I harp on that so?
Re: a comment on Feudal Conflict by Dovina	25-Jan-05/10:37 AM
Please don't take it too harshly - let's see, I felt on the first read that there were too many prepositions and too many conjunctions (thens, ands), and a couple extra modifiers - but after getting a little more familiar with it I think maybe you could hack out 2 if that (L1:on, comma after "slay", L6:"then", "vulnerable" *or* "pawn" (if "vulnerable" then maybe a shorter synonym)). I do like the repeated "ands" in L2, because of the alliteration with the ending "d" sound (every word). What has added to my first impression is the capitalization, and the commas that precede them; highlights to ill effect. I don't know if it was you intention to capitalize every first letter on every line, but it isn't consistant. Still, a good story - and a nine.
Re: Feudal Conflict by Dovina	24-Jan-05/7:10 PM
I think you got word-heavy on this one, D - but I agree, it is a little ominous.
Re: Ode 2 2Pac by PodPoet	24-Jan-05/7:07 PM
A nice job with a topic I know nothing about - having said that, I think you ran out of steam at about here: "Why couldn't you have survived And let the dark angels pass you by?" From that point on... I dunno, it looses something. What is there, however, is very strong.
Re: Unwed by gilded in gold	23-Jan-05/8:48 PM
nice tone, but too short - it doesn't bring me anywhere or even full circle. and I want it to.
Re: Early Morning Thought by Dreammaker1024	23-Jan-05/6:07 PM
line breaks would really help this.
Re: Resurrection by Dreammaker1024	23-Jan-05/6:05 PM
Intrigued at first by the style. But this has a teen-angst thesaurized feel to it, still. "emitted"? I do like this though: "Weakened by your taste, aroused by the newly formed light has made this midnight a lamp unto the darkened soul within" gotta say.