| Re: a comment on stranger by francis nor capule |
19-Apr-04/8:22 AM |
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need more roughage - it will help with your colons.
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| Re: a comment on stranger by francis nor capule |
19-Apr-04/8:21 AM |
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Oooo, oooo! Let me tell him!! Can I, Can I???
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| Re: a comment on Suicide Girl by wilco |
18-Apr-04/8:05 AM |
either way - good stuff, nwman.
Mmmmm Zoloft is delicious (I personally don't touch the stuff)
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| Re: a comment on Suicide Girl by wilco |
18-Apr-04/5:23 AM |
yep - hey, I have another suggestion, for what its worth -
the verb "to be" is weak weak weak in your hook line. How bout kill? "Please donât [kill] my suicide girl"
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| Re: The painted Chair by Sunshine Conkey |
17-Apr-04/7:51 PM |
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cute. Yeah, not crazy about the title either, whether you like being sat on or not.
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| Re: I Can Write A Wrong, But I Can't Right A Poem by horus8 |
17-Apr-04/10:45 AM |
cool title, engaging read.
Was this a rewrite?
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| Re: Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme |
17-Apr-04/9:22 AM |
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would be cool if u made this from the perspective of a small rodent.
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| Re: Temporal by Shardik |
17-Apr-04/9:21 AM |
something here stumps me:
"And shadows curling through vista
The river, black, snaked in daylight."
captital v on vanilla?
even with those nits - a rockin 9
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| Re: Suicide Girl by wilco |
17-Apr-04/9:18 AM |
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i really think you could improve the broken car simile - other than that, really well done.
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| Re: a comment on One or the Same by Enkidu |
17-Apr-04/4:27 AM |
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is this a "yes", or a "I'm not playing anymore"?
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| Re: a comment on Diptych by coffeespoons |
16-Apr-04/10:40 AM |
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I liked it too (still do) - thought maybe there was another way to skin the cat that I dinna know about.
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| Re: a comment on One or the Same by Enkidu |
16-Apr-04/8:47 AM |
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| Re: Metaphorically Challenged by Enkidu |
16-Apr-04/6:34 AM |
yep - thats a goodun.
But I wonder at the thoughts in your brain that would make tiny children sick.
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| Re: a comment on Whose God? by elizabethann |
16-Apr-04/6:31 AM |
"An 18th level cleric with Invisibility, the Helmet of True Seeing, and the Amulet of Transubstantiation. "
This killed me such that a passer-by poked their head in my office and asked if I was okay. Good stuff, man - good stuff.
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| Re: a comment on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac |
15-Apr-04/6:44 AM |
you heard it here first, folks.
btw, there's no words per line limitation in a sestina - maybe in a septina there is....
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| Re: a comment on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac |
15-Apr-04/6:41 AM |
take each line and make it the starting line of new stanza.
Its a lot of frickin work and you'll have to fudge the end a bit; prolly not worth it, and besides with all the repetition in this as it is (works fine here) would look like ass after the sestina gets done with it.
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| Re: a comment on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac |
15-Apr-04/6:30 AM |
you could glosa this and end up with a sestina - you might change the last or fourth lines so you don't have "dear" twice though.
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| Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann |
15-Apr-04/6:18 AM |
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cute - enjoyable vignette.
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| Re: a comment on Diptych by coffeespoons |
14-Apr-04/8:54 PM |
what are the two poems? the couplets being one and the septets being the other?
I usually do them as two side by side panels (but that is tough to do here):
http://www.nanoranch.com/shuushin/March%202004/The%20truth%20lies%20within.htm
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| Re: Diptych by coffeespoons |
14-Apr-04/8:23 PM |
Help me understand why you consider this a Diptych.
Please, I'm not being sarcastic.
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