Comments byShuushin, 481–500 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on #20 by mikejedw 20 Apr 2004, 12:07 PM
haiku shouldn't ryme, roundeye (nor should they really sound "poetic").

I'm serious, I didn't make this crap up. Change "feet" to "knees", and it will make more sense with "creeps" - unfortunately you are still stuck with the rhyme.

dunno. have a 7
on questions by ggawrysi 20 Apr 2004, 11:58 AM
the answer, btw, is always
"with mirrors"
on questions by ggawrysi 20 Apr 2004, 7:49 AM
is "How was it done?"
great, another trouble maker.
this person goes to your school too?
replying on Ballad for a bad Irish accent by zodiac 20 Apr 2004, 6:08 AM
lol - why didn't he think you wrote this??

too funny.
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined 19 Apr 2004, 6:23 PM
heheh - good one.
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined 19 Apr 2004, 6:06 PM
Fine. FINE.

I'll just go back to smoking crack then (really, I was splitting hairs)
on Laundry by mindsigns 19 Apr 2004, 6:00 PM
This is a "concrete", and they are so few and, well, f a r between, that I'm gonna give you an 8.
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined 19 Apr 2004, 5:46 PM
I like the poem[e] quite well up to that last line - it sounds like you are trying to avoid a question via syntax.

on stranger by francis nor capule 19 Apr 2004, 5:14 PM
"really really glad"

is you makin' fun of poetry?? are you mocking me? HUH PRETTY-BOY - are you mockin ME??
on innocent voyeur by nentwined 19 Apr 2004, 5:10 PM
that last line, man.

what can be done?
on From Treehouse To Factory by Shardik 19 Apr 2004, 5:08 PM
The set up is out of proportion to the delivery, but the language is solid enough.

Something to think about if you ever do a rewrite.
on The Robin- A Parody by ggawrysi 19 Apr 2004, 5:00 PM
quite an ambitious ditty - but I think too long?

Still, enjoyable enough!
on Sport by MacFrantic 19 Apr 2004, 4:45 PM
olympic dogfighting?
on carnivalesque by sarah 19 Apr 2004, 3:11 PM
"painted like a dali painting" pick a painting and kill the other.

This is, otherwise, pimple - not a bad one though.
on The Flame by Fire_is_cool 19 Apr 2004, 3:09 PM
no. When I like the user name more than the poem, something is broken.
on genome home zone by sarah 19 Apr 2004, 3:08 PM
catchy, clever title.

kill "of the genome"

"with the want for a familar" to "with want of familiar" - and a very good use of "familiar", too.

I think the ending doesn't do it justice - I know you know what you mean, but the promise of the beginning isn't followed through with this confessional wrap-up.

Know what I mean - one doesn't follow the other; this ending could be tacked onto anything.
on Do You Like It by hotwire 19 Apr 2004, 3:05 PM
Would that it could be top 40
replying on LOVE-ABOVE LISTE by Everyone 19 Apr 2004, 12:33 PM
:[splat]: