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genome home zone (Free verse) by sarah
i want to remember i want to whisper i know exactly what my dreams behold i know the path is nearly ready yet i am afraid the human genome must have some little zone i suppose you might call it the i don't want to leave home part of the genome ... even if home is an emotional, miserly, miserable place this genome pulls and tugs the heart with the want for a familar face my dignity is drained i have been down yet kinetic in essence like a cocoon afraid to leave these same -wandering- ...rooms... i'll do it soon

Down the ladder: The Mask

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8625
Posted: April 18, 2004 7:17 PM PDT; Last modified: April 18, 2004 7:55 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 19-Apr-04/3:08 PM | Reply
catchy, clever title.

kill "of the genome"

"with the want for a familar" to "with want of familiar" - and a very good use of "familiar", too.

I think the ending doesn't do it justice - I know you know what you mean, but the promise of the beginning isn't followed through with this confessional wrap-up.

Know what I mean - one doesn't follow the other; this ending could be tacked onto anything.
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