Comments byShuushin, 421–440 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Mental Escape by validus_vox 24 Apr 2004, 3:26 PM
So much text to wade through; lots of telling, no line breaks...

Let the words do some of the work (give us both a break).

I'm afraid I must too sound harsh.
on He Hunts For Meaning by validus_vox 24 Apr 2004, 3:23 PM
A preamble.

To what?
on Writing the Books by validus_vox 24 Apr 2004, 3:21 PM
Some line breaks might help this.
on The Dead Sea by philn 24 Apr 2004, 3:18 PM
First two stanzas quite lovely and precisely made.

The last does not work for me. I really hope you are able to bring it full circle somehow.
replying on You by Fire_is_cool 24 Apr 2004, 10:44 AM
I don't know why pasting the link in won't work, but I just do the last five chars.
replying on You by Fire_is_cool 24 Apr 2004, 10:43 AM
found it - it was actually in my favorites list.

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=20331
replying on You by Fire_is_cool 24 Apr 2004, 10:42 AM
crap - I hope he dinna delete it!
on You by Fire_is_cool 24 Apr 2004, 10:37 AM
Makes me wonder who begat pain and/of suffering if death begat this child described (or, as you say - you).

Are your friends pain and suffering?
replying on You by Fire_is_cool 24 Apr 2004, 10:32 AM
I canna find this one.
replying on Of Dreams and Obscurity by wilco 24 Apr 2004, 10:22 AM
Sure, I'll buy that.

Thanks.
on untitled by minty 24 Apr 2004, 10:17 AM
Ack.

Hey - not bad for a poem of this type; one of the better ones.
on Words that the Earth has to say… by nothingtoanyone 24 Apr 2004, 10:12 AM
"to[o] late"
on Sold by Jeremi B. Handrinos 24 Apr 2004, 10:10 AM
Nice.
replying on The How To on Haikus by <Wankster> 23 Apr 2004, 8:45 PM
is you wankster too?
replying on The Negro by Everyone 23 Apr 2004, 8:40 PM
its more of a "bending over" to the right.
replying on The Negro by Everyone 23 Apr 2004, 8:39 PM
curried monkey brains would be better.
replying on The How To on Haikus by <Wankster> 23 Apr 2004, 8:36 PM
Same one Nentwined was talking about:
"you've mastered the haiku poem"
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

unless someone wants to convince me "poem" is one syllable.
on jammin in the basement by xunitedx 23 Apr 2004, 8:31 PM
AABBCC... rhyming is maddening - it really is.
on Deceiving by Ice 23 Apr 2004, 8:29 PM
I do like the idea of adding some sound effects, etc. - but not enough of it here to realize that idea.

This is just so classic a pimple - the one word I come to is "endearing".

But this subject has been so done. and done.
on Chronic Depression by Ice 23 Apr 2004, 8:24 PM
A good exercise - writing this stuff will help you to write the things people want to read.