Comments byShuushin, 441–460 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Radiation Reflections by sarah 23 Apr 2004, 8:22 PM
I think your search for alliteration and rhyme put a slight, likely unintentional, comedic twist to the thing.

It is difficult to take such a thing seriously when it rhymes too conveniently.

The only examples I can think of involve war.
on Humidity by Lifeboatman 23 Apr 2004, 8:18 PM
is there a missing word in the next to last line?
on Of Dreams and Obscurity by wilco 23 Apr 2004, 8:16 PM
I can't imagine anyone too tall to leap.

How does that work?
on The How To on Haikus by <Wankster> 23 Apr 2004, 7:09 PM
I'm giving you a seven in the hopes that the 8 syllable line was intentional.

Cuz, well - that would be funny.
on When feeling has been lost... by philn 23 Apr 2004, 7:02 PM
second stanza has some fresher language in it, but somehow its like spending a day with grandma and getting a half dollar on the way out.
on factor me out by fluffigrbl11 23 Apr 2004, 6:58 PM
eenteresting...

You got a ten already? Count me in.
Obviously, as I said.
Interesting phrase "take place"

"life is a thing in which games take place"

"take place" as "occur", "manifest", "become; become apparent" - it all feels redundant. Games as a thing defined, as having a label and used by language - already exist.

"life is a thing in which games occur(...)" could be:
"life is a thing with games"

Yet, life as a thing has lots of things, in fact, it could be argued that it contains all things (including nothing) - not just games.

So really, it is meaningless to claim it has games. Life has belly-button lint too, but do we really need to state it?

"Life is a thing"

But really, we know life to encompass more than just things, it also contains the set of no-things.

"Life is"

Yet, sometimes it isn't - is that true also? Seriously - if life can contain the thing "no-thing" can it also contain the thing "non life"? And by doing so, does it negate its own existance?

Or rather, does it make it's definition meaningless - or at best - fruitless?

I offer the previous ruminations as proof that defining life is fruitless. As fruitless, at least, as wondering if Foucault would have had nearly the fame he enjoys if he wore a toupee and contacts.
replying on do androids dream? by nentwined 22 Apr 2004, 8:35 AM
:[clang]:
replying on Bob Jones Walked the Biscuits by Modulo 22 Apr 2004, 8:23 AM
And you missed mine - your data collection technique is flawed. You fail.
on Bob Jones Walked the Biscuits by Modulo 22 Apr 2004, 8:22 AM
SEE - now thats a finish. Nicely done.
replying on Bob Jones Walked the Biscuits by Modulo 22 Apr 2004, 8:21 AM
No, its not. Don't be a dork.
replying on do androids dream? by nentwined 22 Apr 2004, 8:19 AM
Amen to that. Brother.
replying on eva by samgon 22 Apr 2004, 7:36 AM
I want a brail shirt that says "You're Making Me Horny"
replying on do androids dream? by nentwined 22 Apr 2004, 7:33 AM
I just posted a sister poem on this topic.
on Quintus: Lesson 1 by richa 22 Apr 2004, 7:02 AM
Tasty. Tasty like delicous little fishes.
on do androids dream? by nentwined 22 Apr 2004, 6:59 AM
yes Rachel, they dream of electric sheep.

A nicely encapsulated thought - and it rhymes; it must be true.
replying on In Gold Leaf by bearhead 22 Apr 2004, 3:51 AM
And my favorite: "The last Christian died on the cross"

Thanks
on Biography I (1996) by halofriendly 21 Apr 2004, 5:54 PM
the ending could have been very special I think, after such an engaging start.

Something needs to happen there, after the "but..." (even if you have to make it up)

and please - no talk of suicide; rather some event, or perhaps a statement of altered awareness, a re-union, somehting.
on perfection show by halofriendly 21 Apr 2004, 5:45 PM
has a very sweet, if cryptic, feel.

I'd like to see it formatted slightly different, but the content is fine.