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Biography I (1996) (Free verse) by halofriendly
my name is pure in grace and bright and illustrious. i like to eat chocolate, but not in the dark and i love to have dreams; i sing with the cranberries and i hate to have water run down my face. i'm depressed in the winter, but smile in the sun. and i still hate the dark. my heart has been trampled, but now it's in love with a five-star classy guy. i read emerson, shakespeare, and jacques and my favorite smell is lilac. i love to be happy, but i'm still depressed in the snow and i still shiver in the dark. i dry roses that complement my azure, crescent eyes. and my pet peeve is having my hands wet. i like to breathe fresh air which is why i must sleep with my mouth open. and i still dream a lot, but i grow nervous at the thought of my face being wet. i pick on myself for not being perfect and i cry when i realize i'm not. my self-esteem fluctuates (that's really quite normal) and i'm content to be alone, but not on a stage. i act my heart out, but only for my sake and i'm ready to go off to college. but... i'm still pure in grace and i still like my chocolate and i love to have dreams and i smile in the sun. but... don't bring on the winter, don't splash me with water and please never leave me alone in the dark.

Up the ladder: Cast Iron Coffin
Down the ladder: weeping tree

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Weighted score: 5.4994626
Overall Rank: 2747
Posted: April 21, 2004 5:43 PM PDT; Last modified: April 21, 2004 5:43 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 21-Apr-04/5:54 PM | Reply
the ending could have been very special I think, after such an engaging start.

Something needs to happen there, after the "but..." (even if you have to make it up)

and please - no talk of suicide; rather some event, or perhaps a statement of altered awareness, a re-union, somehting.
[7] Fear of Garbage @ 156.63.85.15 | 22-Apr-04/7:36 AM | Reply
the beginning is what the rest of this should be like.
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ 195.157.153.253 | 22-Apr-04/7:38 AM | Reply
IT IS HEREBY DECREED THAT:

1. The phrase "five-star classy guy" is ferociously redolent of Milton Keynes circa 1988;

2. The phrase "pet peeve" is frighteningly reminiscent of Grimsby circa 1992;

3. The phrase "my self-esteem fluctuates" is disturbingly evocative of Hull circa 1998.
Incidentally, when you speak of "Five Star", are you referring to the popular 1980s beat combo of the same name?

Wipe that bewildered look off your face and go to http://tinyurl.com/2jmsz

-10-
[n/a] halofriendly @ 4.158.87.240 > wFraser Allonby Q.C.w | 22-Apr-04/2:45 PM | Reply
Do I admit to my ignorance by not knowing who any of those people are? Anyway, what can I say? I wrote that when I was 16....;)
[7] deleted user @ 68.66.196.168 | 22-Apr-04/2:03 PM | Reply
The ending! That's the good part. If only the poem worked rhythmicly toward it.
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