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Mental Escape (Free verse) by validus_vox
In a conspicuous way, time begins to slow Sounds slowing in beat and emphasizes words Lights soften and air because fruitful Sorrow and stress slip away into these times Deep thoughts and sights invade the perception Swirls and loops grasp the body Legs and arms under and warm glow Muscles breathe out with tension relief Joy and happiness pull on the brain strings Spitting out scenes of calmness and serenity From these illusions come words of heart Descriptive of mind state and environment Entwining with surroundings to dance Perfect choreography to please the eyes A natural rhythm too complex to follow Containing soft beats with rumbling bass Hitting the treble so high it makes the eyes blink Now is the time details can be sensed Emphasis on pitches and tones of sound Gleaming colors and shades of surroundings Exhale Up the head rises to the great blue sky Heart thumping in the chest feeding the body Muscles feel as if they peeled off the bone Under the skin the highway of blood cells can be felt Upward from the stomach comes a force upon the body Lungs implode upon itself as air is jettisoned out This is where I can think without fear Worrying whether or not “they” will like it I’m happy because I am free from it all “They” can not surpass what I have done for myself So down I sift into myself with deep exploration Conjuring up the past to truly assess myself Slowly the mind reels to a slower pass Sending all muscles in to complete relaxation Bones seem to fill with lead as I lay down Sinking into the springs the eyelids slither closed Dancing images sooth the mind into nirvana Away the mind drifts into a sea of dreams Regenerating for the next day of life and journey This is my escape from the structured world

Down the ladder: Ambition

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Weighted score: 5.2145653
Overall Rank: 4403
Posted: April 24, 2004 12:20 PM PDT; Last modified: April 24, 2004 12:20 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 24-Apr-04/3:26 PM | Reply
So much text to wade through; lots of telling, no line breaks...

Let the words do some of the work (give us both a break).

I'm afraid I must too sound harsh.
[n/a] validus_vox @ 24.159.211.14 > Shuushin | 24-Apr-04/3:33 PM | Reply
not harsh, realistic...was high when i wrote this, so it just went on...thanks for all your comments...peace

mike
[7] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 | 25-Apr-04/8:15 AM | Reply
Yes, some punctuation would definitely make this better.
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