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Digging (Free verse) by Dovina From digging deep and hacking bold
for hells and edens, rust and gold,
for brimstone hot and water cold,
Iâve dug my last dark empty pit
and crawled inside my padded box.
Carve for me on polished stone,
"She dug all this and left a pile.
Look at all the words she wrote."
Up the ladder:
Unfinished Warrior
Down the ladder:
I Got Mine Designed
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Posted: December 7, 2004 1:24 PM PST; Last modified: December 7, 2004 5:17 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.2145653 Overall Rank: 4400 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
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deleted user @ 24.222.81.233
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7-Dec-04/3:55 PM
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Reply
I dug out a wily nostril-plug just this morn.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
> deleted user
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7-Dec-04/4:06 PM
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Reply
Was it insipid?
[n/a]
deleted user @ 24.222.81.233
> Dovina
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7-Dec-04/4:30 PM
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Reply
I only wanted to be your friend.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
> deleted user
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7-Dec-04/4:37 PM
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Reply
I'm touched. You can be my friend.
I think -diggables- demeans the rest of the poem. Just for fun, You might use the mild rhyme and the beat from "of brimstone hot and water cold" ,patterning it that way.
In digging deep and hacking bold
For hells and edens, rust and gold, . . . Might work, thanks.
yeah! and if you can keep it nine lines long, that would rule!!
Next you'll be asking for iambic pentameter.
No. but you can still make this better. I think the rythm does work for it. I've given up on I/P. At least until I get my grammar right.
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