poemranker ::The Dead Sea by philn

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Free verse № 98558

The Dead Sea

Member since 2004 · Posted 24 Apr 2004 · 4 comments

The fading lamplight glimmers With a flicker of surprise As I turn it low to rest the dazzle In these sleepless eyes For everytime I let it burn It burns away this skin Hiding from the unforgiving world The blackened heart within Now strolling through the darkest forest Looking towards the skies And there descending from the clouds Bright wings and azure eyes Come horsemen cloaked in deepest red So silent and surreal Oh, how I longed for eyes that see And skin that still could feel And though surrounded by thousands of liars Who sing soothing songs from the river of fire Even the dark has stars to guide it home

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mean 6.71 weighted 5.46 rank 2880 views 210 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

4 comments

[8] Shuushin 24-Apr-04/3:18 PM Reply
First two stanzas quite lovely and precisely made.

The last does not work for me. I really hope you are able to bring it full circle somehow.
[7] deleted user 24-Apr-04/5:23 PM Reply
Second verse is great!
[n/a] philn 24-Apr-04/6:27 PM Reply
I wasn't really sure how to end it, so that's why the third stanza doesn't really work right now. I wanted to see what people thought before I spent the time finishing it off and changing the ending.
[n/a] Blindpoetry › philn 24-Apr-04/6:45 PM Reply
Who cares what people think before its finished? ...

If people said it was good when you had another idea, you probebly won't change it, when the other idea might make it ten times better!