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The Dead Sea (Free verse) by philn
The fading lamplight glimmers With a flicker of surprise As I turn it low to rest the dazzle In these sleepless eyes For everytime I let it burn It burns away this skin Hiding from the unforgiving world The blackened heart within Now strolling through the darkest forest Looking towards the skies And there descending from the clouds Bright wings and azure eyes Come horsemen cloaked in deepest red So silent and surreal Oh, how I longed for eyes that see And skin that still could feel And though surrounded by thousands of liars Who sing soothing songs from the river of fire Even the dark has stars to guide it home

Up the ladder: Screws
Down the ladder: 10.25.04

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Weighted score: 5.4610424
Overall Rank: 2893
Posted: April 24, 2004 2:56 PM PDT; Last modified: April 24, 2004 2:56 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 24-Apr-04/3:18 PM | Reply
First two stanzas quite lovely and precisely made.

The last does not work for me. I really hope you are able to bring it full circle somehow.
[7] deleted user @ 68.66.196.168 | 24-Apr-04/5:23 PM | Reply
Second verse is great!
[n/a] philn @ 152.163.252.168 | 24-Apr-04/6:27 PM | Reply
I wasn't really sure how to end it, so that's why the third stanza doesn't really work right now. I wanted to see what people thought before I spent the time finishing it off and changing the ending.
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ 68.106.171.15 > philn | 24-Apr-04/6:45 PM | Reply
Who cares what people think before its finished? ...

If people said it was good when you had another idea, you probebly won't change it, when the other idea might make it ten times better!
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