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10.25.04 (Free verse) by oneglove You said âthe moon is out todayâ
And there it hung
Perched squarely in the pale blue sky
Sitting quietly like it had been there all along
Strange, as it had been quite a journey
Chasing his beloved day after day to no avail
Her immaculate face always just out of reach
And yet he persisted
Each day beginning his journey anew
Now he had succeeded
He was face to face with his lost love
And as she saw him standing there
Her eyes wept in lavender and crimson
Even more brilliant hues than her sad tears before
For a moment life was what it could be
I replied âif these ill-fated lovers can have their day,
we will certainly have oursâ
Up the ladder:
The Dead Sea
Down the ladder:
The benefit of being realistic
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Posted: November 3, 2004 10:19 PM PST; Last modified: November 3, 2004 10:19 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.4610424 Overall Rank: 2894 Comments:
[10]
zodiac @ 212.118.14.17
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4-Nov-04/5:18 AM
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Reply
It's weird that you say the moon is male and sun is female. Simone de Beauvoir would be shocked into dropping her French tickler. Maybe with a hollow thud on the rug and everyone would kind of stand around pretending not to notice while she stooped quickly and maybe unashamedly to tuck it back in place because she is after all Simone de Beauvoir and if she wants to walk around with one of those clamped in her trap well she probably knows what's best for Simone de Beauvoir, doesn't she?
A nice image - man/woman, moon/sun - long dance before the eclipse when she graciously accepts. How about a line break after anew? And "ill-fated" seems wrong with all we know about orbits.
The lunar eclipse was on 10/27/04, and you seem to be talking about a solar eclipse, so why the title?
i was driving back to school after seeing my girlfriend on that day
also a line break does seem like a good idea
and theyre ill fated because other than the occasional day together theyre always just chaser and chased, for eternity
On 10.25.04, while you were gallavanting about in pursuit of the ultimate lewd, I was at home soaking my mulberries in the oils of clove. If only you could boast of time similarly well spent, my lad.
You must be a gothic marauder.
I'd almost promise, I've heard this story before. Only you did it with much better images.
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