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20 most recent comments by Shuushin (1121-1140)

regarding some deleted poem... 13-Oct-03/5:36 PM
Such a simple poem for such a complicated thing. I'm not sure I like that.
Re: государства by Wobble McFly 14-Oct-03/4:21 AM
The nuance of ryhme, etc. are lost on me here, but the theme - a declaration of rights, of sorts, has merit.

Admittedly, the cyrilic is interesting.
regarding some deleted poem... 14-Oct-03/6:36 PM
Quite a nice natural flow. And a nice use of the language, many nice images.
Re: Birdcalls by poetandknowit 14-Oct-03/6:58 PM
Quite lovely.

I will say the first line made me immediately think of langston hughes - just that, and nothing else.

excellent.
Re: Turncoat by poetandknowit 14-Oct-03/7:01 PM
Such flowing words - though I don't completely understand it.

The touch of rhyme in the middle is used to good effect.
Re: Tsunami Love by The_Third_Isis 14-Oct-03/7:04 PM
"I spin rinse and tumble deeper into your realm."

nice.

something missing in the last line, I think.
Re: The Bread O' Heaven by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 14-Oct-03/7:09 PM
a prosish (tm) seven, were it an actual sonnet, I would give you and 8.
regarding some deleted poem... 14-Oct-03/7:12 PM
cute. Meaningless outside of this place, the place of the purple pill.

skillfully rhymed (well, hell, you made up half the words).

regarding some deleted poem... 14-Oct-03/7:15 PM
no idea. but i like the horse collapsing imagery.

Re: Love a Duck by fuzzylogicisagimp 14-Oct-03/7:19 PM
There's never a videocamera around when needed, is there?

Aflack my ass.
Re: The spinning infirmary by INTRANSIT 14-Oct-03/7:22 PM
awesome title. Toss a questionmark into the text and call it done.

I like.
Re: @}:- Everyday I send you a rose by Prince of Void 14-Oct-03/7:30 PM
this is about a rose, right?

"droprain" is a cool word. actually there is an interesting slant to the language here (and a few spelling errors).

I'm guessing you could convey the same meaning and emotion in about a sixth the words.
Re: Battle of the brains by INTRANSIT 14-Oct-03/7:34 PM
it is amazing how many meanings "render" has.

I've seen you do alot with alot, and now - alot with a few. cool.

This should have a few stanza buddies, I think.
Re: Facing Goodbye by Caducus 14-Oct-03/7:37 PM
Quite a nice first stanza there.

Perhaps I'm a bit jaded, but some of the rhymes in the remaining stanza brought me pause.

I'm thinking you could consolidate the second and third to arrive at something that compares with the first.
Re: sevenfourteenrobinson by FreeFormFixation 14-Oct-03/7:39 PM
"I see dead poems"

what did they whisper, what did they whisper??
Re: salt and celibacy by calliope 14-Oct-03/7:43 PM
I'm liking the title, and many of the individual lines. As for the thing-in-itself, I will nod knowingly, and select six from the dropdown menu at right.
regarding some deleted poem... 15-Oct-03/7:45 AM
hard to avoid the need for synthesis, isn't it?

I like this, it strikes a chord.
regarding some deleted poem... 15-Oct-03/7:52 AM
It has a Dr. Suess air about it, only without the cleverness.

regarding some deleted poem... 15-Oct-03/7:58 AM
note to self: don't make the title of the piece be the only line that falls flat.

make "a poisonous mushroom" be "poisonous mushrooms" and it will flow better, imo.
Re: For M. B. by Tits 15-Oct-03/11:27 AM
I would like to tell you how impressed I am at this poem.


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