Re: one by crwncka1	11-Oct-03/5:44 AM
first, change "pedal" to "petal" then delete the second stanza entirely.
Re: XYZ by crwncka1	11-Oct-03/5:47 AM
It has a nice sincere feel to it; works for me. and "wishing into the wind" is nice - but I'm a sucker for alliteration with W's
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Oct-03/5:48 AM
Nice as a lyric - I think the second stanza would make a nice refrain.
Re: Beautiful Scars by William Delacroix	12-Oct-03/7:44 AM
"The sawed-off between his fesses." is interesting - is the implication he was shot in the chest? Never seen fesses used like that - works for me, though.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Oct-03/9:56 AM
Is okay, has some good language in it. The, "Clicking glass upon a tooth" is very cool. I like the whole machine gunner sidetrip. Would L4 read better if it had an "a" before barely? I know: picky, picky, picky.
Re: I wish I had a friend by un_oying	12-Oct-03/9:59 AM
Remember, friends don't let friends use the wrong "to/two/too": 3rd stanza, "to" s/b "too". I knew you were dead by S5. Cute; have a 6.
Re: the two faces of the bar social. by darby pyn	12-Oct-03/10:08 AM
Awesome easy rhyming kept my attention - right up to naevete', then it kind of breaks. Rethink that ending, if you are so inclined, and you will have something really special, I'm sure of it.
Re: Daddy's Little Girl by unknown	12-Oct-03/2:07 PM
Touching - the ending is very sweet and unforced; well done.
Re: Billy and the voices by SupremeDreamer	12-Oct-03/7:18 PM
[clap clap clap] "oooo"
Re: Why? by MercedezDream	13-Oct-03/6:28 AM
heh - cute. I was just about to give up, cuz the endrhymes are, well - like they are. Then you have this awesome ending; good job.
Re: Not On Your Nelly by Wobble McFly	13-Oct-03/2:02 PM
A nice start to. something.
Re: ٠صادر فلسطينية أن الاحتلال by Wobble McFly	13-Oct-03/2:05 PM
Somewhat understated, yet I enjoyed the subtext - this bit, "ألكسندر كالوجين، أكد فيدوفين على" is a fairly unusual usage, and I always like that kind of thing. Small nit: "الإسر" should be "سرالإسر"
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Oct-03/4:06 PM
This one has been through the mill a few times, now in its third revision. I've touched it so much it is now a part of me; difficult to see it objectively - I'm in need of more eyes. Many thanks.
Re: Dancing on Glass by thepinkbunnyofdoom	13-Oct-03/5:11 PM
The ending is fairly awesome. I don't like that [the droplets] soaked into the floor; either I think of a cement floor in a factory, or via the title, a glass floor.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Oct-03/5:15 PM
is kinda neat that life takes on this individual personality - I could do without the last two lines though (they don't really add anything nor are they beautiful enough to be ornamentation).
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Oct-03/5:21 PM
Pretty cool. I likey alot. Suggestion: using "dying" as a modify on a man who is having his entrails tugged out (I figure he is gonna die) . . . How about something else about the man? how about "naked"; that's pretty scary. Come to think of it, I don't find "tugs" "surprisingly violent" - wrench maybe?
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Oct-03/5:22 PM
This is, also, very good ImO. I have no nits for this. Nice!
Re: thanksgiving by kingit	13-Oct-03/5:25 PM
eenteresting... very eenteresting....
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Oct-03/5:32 PM
The cadence to this piece bears the mark of a skilled hand - very nice. I will be extremely nitty and suggest the spelling "nihilistic" instead of what is there. Not only will you make dictionary dot com happy, but given that a web search for "nihilistic" gets you 35,006 hits versus 30 for the other; it will give less folks pause.
Re: sit place by kingit	13-Oct-03/5:35 PM
my poor aching [split] brain. I keep trying to see patterns. ooo - you could d o u b l e s p a c e them too!(seriously). Maybe with chicken brule, btw.