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one (Free verse) by crwncka1
your eyes see right though, my veil of coldness, that I so unknowingly project, and it is you my love, who has seen past, my walls of fear and insecurity, shown me the way back, to the little boy I was, so joyous and playful, before the world tore me open, and it was you girl who, broke though my facade of hate, from lack of self love, like a flower you opened me, pedal by pedal, slowly but surely as, the days went on, but you never knew, all this was unfolding, as from the beginning, you saw right past all this, right to the real me, but here I find myself, left all alone once again, as you have gone away, not understanding all this, so I would like to tell you, that I have never felt worse, for my down ways to you, but all I can do now, is say I am sorry, as I now see the sun, its light burning me away, as life does go on, and it is your life to live, but please be aware, of just how much, you have touched my life, my heart is always yours

Up the ladder: Fridge

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Arithmetic Mean: 2.0
Weighted score: 4.642391
Overall Rank: 12364
Posted: October 10, 2003 3:54 PM PDT; Last modified: October 10, 2003 3:54 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] crwncka1 @ 67.30.17.2 | 10-Oct-03/4:00 PM | Reply
yah iam not really much of a writer nothing fancy shamcy just my thoughts

one = all that is
[n/a] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 11-Oct-03/5:44 AM | Reply
first, change "pedal" to "petal"

then delete the second stanza entirely.
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