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Fridge (Free verse) by Birdpia
Days by days,
I could see the winter was getting colder,
As outside was raining snow heavily..
Nights by nights,
Besides the loneliness accompanying me,
The breeze was making me remember,
All the things I wished I could forget..
As the snow dropped,
Courage inside myself was increasing,
Because I felt I was back to the days I longed the most
That's when you lied on my shoulders before the fridge
As the snow vanished,
The winter went to call the spring,
To show off all the green leaves you love most..
When I dreamt of you so much,
When I missed you so much,
I would go back to the fridge,
Waiting for the next winter..
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Arithmetic Mean: 2.0
Weighted score: 4.642391
Overall Rank: 12363
Posted: August 24, 2003 3:55 AM PDT; Last modified: August 24, 2003 3:55 AM PDT
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Comments:
164 view(s)
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1. The constant use of two thirds of an ellipsis.
2. Typographical errors.
3. Reference to an obscene sex dream.
4. Mismatched and overwrought metaphor.
5. Contains a fridge but no ham.
6. The worst possible sort of tedious self-obsession.
7. An unimaginative and frankly insensitive title.
8. Hypocritical overuse of prepositions.
9. The category is 'Free verse'.
10. You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak.
Thanks.