Poemranker [Poem: missing pieces] [by mystic enoch] Thu Nov 21 11:01:51 PST 2024

I gave you my heart. You gave it back. Its all broken. Now I must fix this broken thing. I thought you were the one. Your thoughts werent the same. Some of the pieces are missing! Life is so unfair. Because I miss you. I dont know what to do now. (read my poem FOR THE LOVE OF JOEY. It came first in this story)

[1] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 71.130.125.60 | 17-Jun-05/12:24 PM | Reply

not as good as the JOEY one.

[5] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 > Bankrupt_Word_Clerk | 17-Jun-05/1:03 PM | Reply

Ah, but do I disagree! This one is clumsier than the Joey poem, but the writer at least managed to break away from the dreary 'Boo-hoo-hoo, I love you, Why don't you love me too' mold. Even though only one line manages so: >>some of the pieces are missing!<<

[n/a] mystic enoch @ 216.76.254.34 > deleted user | 17-Jun-05/4:35 PM | Reply

I look at the bad reviews more than the good. They tell me what I need to work on. Could you read my other poems and tell me how you feel about them? I want people to read my poetry and like it. If there is any doubt about my ability as a poet I would like to know. I am interested in your honest opinion of my work.

[1] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 71.129.182.174 > mystic enoch | 17-Jun-05/11:38 PM | Reply

well. step 1. Use a thesaurus. Broken -- busted -- wrecked -- bent -- bruised -- mangled -- tortured -- trashed --...

but don't say.. "Its all broken. Now I must fix this broken thing." eww. yuck. and "it's all broken" is bad too. try.. "it's broken"..

"You have crushed it
now I must tend this
mangled vessel." --

[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 7-Mar-06/3:17 PM | Reply

The first few lines reminded me of one of those dreaded Christmas CD tunes...luckily I don't know the name of the song otherwise I would have to go and wash my ears out with hot rubber, which is never a joyful hobby.