|
|
Facing Goodbye (Free verse) by Caducus
Her virgin auburn tresses fell,
like a copper prayer in a wishing well.
She refused to wear a headscarf,
Choosing instead to wear the elements,
The wind, the rain,
And when we kissed â a smile.
The shed would become my reprieve,
I would turn on the saw and I could grieve.
Sitting in silence with hands clasped in prayer,
That pointed to a God who didnât seem to care.
She came in sometimes to ask what I was making
And would blow from my eyes the dust from the wood shaving.
Leaving a river of dried wooden gold.
I am closed to our open house,
Where friends talk to us both in differing tones.
I am deaf to the word âsadâ,
And words like âunfortunateâ to describe our predicament.
All I try and remember are little things,
Like the way she rasps before she sings,
And the way she dots her nose and face with cream,
Knowing I am watching and adoring her.
Itâs about moments and not the days forecasted,
Life may be terminal,
But some love lasts forever.
for catherine & robert
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
| Graph | Votes |
10 |
|
3 | 0 |
9 |
|
3 | 0 |
8 |
|
1 | 1 |
7 |
|
1 | 0 |
6 |
|
0 | 0 |
5 |
|
0 | 0 |
4 |
|
0 | 0 |
3 |
|
0 | 0 |
2 |
|
0 | 0 |
1 |
|
1 | 0 |
0 |
|
1 | 1 |
|
Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Weighted score: 6.2793527
Overall Rank: 893
Posted: October 14, 2003 9:33 AM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2003 9:33 AM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
395 view(s)
|
Perhaps I'm a bit jaded, but some of the rhymes in the remaining stanza brought me pause.
I'm thinking you could consolidate the second and third to arrive at something that compares with the first.