on Inane Muttering by Don-Quixote
15 Nov 2003, 12:35 AM
"occurrence" as it is used is a missed opportunity, methinks. Why were they welcome? (sarcasm aside)
Other than that, pretty frickin' solid.
-9-
Other than that, pretty frickin' solid.
-9-
on some deleted poem
15 Nov 2003, 12:38 AM
semicolon here? Why?
twine on its own line maybe instead?
besides that, its a pretty vivid image - wondering what to do with it now that its in my head (you have my attention; wanting more).
-7- for making me hungry.
twine on its own line maybe instead?
besides that, its a pretty vivid image - wondering what to do with it now that its in my head (you have my attention; wanting more).
-7- for making me hungry.
on Memoirs of a Monk II - Sacred Witness by Don-Quixote
15 Nov 2003, 12:39 AM
was this yoderian constructed last stanza in the last version? quickly now - make it engrish!
on some deleted poem
15 Nov 2003, 12:47 AM
This moves. This clicks, cricks and whirrs - but I don't know what kind of machine it is.
an -8- for a fresh theme, especially.
an -8- for a fresh theme, especially.
on some deleted poem
15 Nov 2003, 12:52 AM
"yine" :O)
fun language, but I have no idea what this is saying.
White plains? Is that new york or NEW JERSEY??!?
I'm giving this a -7- for making me grab a map.
and why you kill all yer old stuff?
fun language, but I have no idea what this is saying.
White plains? Is that new york or NEW JERSEY??!?
I'm giving this a -7- for making me grab a map.
and why you kill all yer old stuff?
on Memoirs of a Monk II - Sacred Witness by Don-Quixote
15 Nov 2003, 12:59 AM
oh - can you dump my creds line; gives me the heebies.
glad to help though.
glad to help though.
on Gen. Rockman & his dirt encrusted clicker brigade by Y2kSlamPoet
15 Nov 2003, 7:21 AM
Would probably be good as a performance piece.
I imagine an enraged 14 year old, resplendent in his street creds and hard won disrespect for the "man" and how society is oppressing him and his "posse" of "homies", a few gold chains and base-ball cap doing that arm crossing thing that was popular in the early 90's. Yo yo you –
Maybe spice it up with some “izza”’s at the end of a few sentences.
yeah, that would be dope. Do it.
-5- (same shit, different day)
I imagine an enraged 14 year old, resplendent in his street creds and hard won disrespect for the "man" and how society is oppressing him and his "posse" of "homies", a few gold chains and base-ball cap doing that arm crossing thing that was popular in the early 90's. Yo yo you –
Maybe spice it up with some “izza”’s at the end of a few sentences.
yeah, that would be dope. Do it.
-5- (same shit, different day)
on some deleted poem
15 Nov 2003, 10:47 AM
its got that formula for a good lyric - familiar lines and rhymes - gonna hit the median heart and mind.
but you have a few deeper points here and there; works well enough.
-8- cuz I was a hard-ass, east-german judge on your last one.
but you have a few deeper points here and there; works well enough.
-8- cuz I was a hard-ass, east-german judge on your last one.
on Sagittarius by INTRANSIT
15 Nov 2003, 10:48 AM
Roger that; nicely done.
-9-
-9-
on some deleted poem
15 Nov 2003, 1:11 PM
is true, is true.
six words - you're getting there.
-8-
six words - you're getting there.
-8-
on A Coven of Toes by sixtoedwonder
15 Nov 2003, 1:14 PM
Love the title.
Love the ditty - make a me laugh, yes, it did.
have an -8-
Love the ditty - make a me laugh, yes, it did.
have an -8-
on Breakfast by flouredweevle
15 Nov 2003, 1:16 PM
welcome to the USSR, comrade.
This would make a good Senryu.
-7- for what could have been.
This would make a good Senryu.
-7- for what could have been.
on The Poemranker Poe-lease by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Nov 2003, 3:21 PM
oh christ, not more.
Can't you write about anything else other than how you've been wronged by the nefarious poemranker characters?
-0-
Can't you write about anything else other than how you've been wronged by the nefarious poemranker characters?
-0-
on Don't Look At Me! by assisenormus
15 Nov 2003, 4:15 PM
a poem per user name, one way to do it.
this is cute.
-7-
this is cute.
-7-
on Thong Thoo by fatmansinging
15 Nov 2003, 4:18 PM
why you make me read this? huh?
is is kinda catchy though... so, I think that, and the fact it is made up entirely of words that, I figure, are of your own construction - brings it up to a:
-1-
is is kinda catchy though... so, I think that, and the fact it is made up entirely of words that, I figure, are of your own construction - brings it up to a:
-1-
on Preacher Man by masticatedmess
15 Nov 2003, 4:19 PM
too easy, this one. And you should not masticate, it is against God's law, and you will be blinded.
blessed with a 1.
blessed with a 1.
on This is Bad by newagepoet2000
16 Nov 2003, 6:54 AM
LoL - actually, this is wicked funny.
A potential classic.
-9-
A potential classic.
-9-
on hello eternity by justjay
16 Nov 2003, 6:57 AM
Not too bad, I think the "then" in stanza three wants to be a "than"
-7-
-7-
on Oh No! by foothangingoutofass
16 Nov 2003, 7:00 AM
a pretty good, if done, image.
This kindof thing comes pretty easy to most people, even non-poets
-5-
This kindof thing comes pretty easy to most people, even non-poets
-5-
I like how you say "you define in a single kiss
The inexpressible"
De-lark the last three lines, and remove the word love once and the whole thing will be better for it.
-7- prolly a good deal higher without the first crit.