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Memoirs of a Monk II - Sacred Witness (Free verse) by Don-Quixote
Break bread of broken tablet then sprinkle dust from the timeworn trunk into my last glass of wine. Loud nothings won't drift since my mouth is shut- golden words lost its luster. A heedless monk tends to his morning hangover- letting liquor drip from the divine tap. Meaning has become liquescent- its secrets drain into the gutter. Some still lead the occult worship, their voices only whispers, a riddle which no longer has an answer. My companion has sacrificed pages from the good book, to roll our herbal medication- cures the headache. The whores mirror reflects nothing- we were deluded into thinking we had a face- used its broken glass to pluck our non compos mentis eye from its socket. It exists now as an olive, in my martini glass- grapes eaten lambs blood depleted- we now toast the miserable end of salvation, amen. Have we become piteous punks? No, just silent observers; a witness to moments repeated.

Up the ladder: Stealth Assassin (draft)
Down the ladder: Unbalancing Act

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8677
Posted: November 14, 2003 11:10 PM PST; Last modified: November 15, 2003 1:02 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 14-Nov-03/11:53 PM | Reply
"liquescent" - nice, also: "non compos mentis eye"


I like this - I would like it more without the half sentence after the last comma. -8-
[n/a] Don-Quixote @ 204.31.164.166 > Shuushin | 15-Nov-03/12:03 AM | Reply
Memoirs of a Monk - Saint Screamer is listed under SD if you want to cruise the first one.

well.. half sentences.. fuck, sometimes i got so much to say, that punctuation becomes an itch.

suggestion? because i hate toying with punctuation when im already slightly handicapped in that department.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > Don-Quixote | 15-Nov-03/12:10 AM | Reply
Suggestion is easy, just flush all the words after the comma.

"just silent observers;
a witness [of] moments repeated"
[n/a] Don-Quixote @ 204.31.164.166 > Shuushin | 15-Nov-03/12:18 AM | Reply
-nod- quite good, I should request assistence more often.

Accepted! >hands you a spare titanium quill<

Im a starving poet, and the cat stole my silver- i snatched the titanium from NASA, neato right? I think so anyway.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > Don-Quixote | 15-Nov-03/12:23 AM | Reply
I LOVE titanium.

Glad you liked the delta - some folks round these parts don't take kindly to semicolons though, so - watch yer back...
[n/a] Don-Quixote @ 204.31.164.166 > Shuushin | 15-Nov-03/12:28 AM | Reply
no worries, ive used the almighty ; a good many times myself.
but memory forgets its available at times.. but theres always a way- somehow, someday.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 15-Nov-03/12:39 AM | Reply
was this yoderian constructed last stanza in the last version? quickly now - make it engrish!
[n/a] Don-Quixote @ 204.31.171.119 > Shuushin | 15-Nov-03/12:51 AM | Reply
well.. the last one was quite different- and overall "formal yoderspeech + pending doom + reality unveiled + exclamation point, and a catchy signature"

now is this about "Piteous punks have we become?"
"have we become piteous punks"... choices.. choices..

I'll go againt my gut instinct for once, and toss the yoddle..
[n/a] Don-Quixote @ 204.31.171.119 > Shuushin | 15-Nov-03/12:56 AM | Reply
Slam dunk of the drunken monk,
lines written red,
wine of purple grape,
mouth agape in
occult worship and
uttering the wise words
of loud nothings.


^^ first stanza of the first memoir. quite a difference isnt it? lol.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > Don-Quixote | 15-Nov-03/12:58 AM | Reply
sho' nuff. but - also good.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 15-Nov-03/12:59 AM | Reply
oh - can you dump my creds line; gives me the heebies.

glad to help though.
[n/a] Don-Quixote @ 204.31.171.119 > Shuushin | 15-Nov-03/1:01 AM | Reply
if you insist- cred line gone.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > Don-Quixote | 15-Nov-03/1:05 AM | Reply
:O) thanks.
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