poemranker ::hello eternity by justjay

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Free verse № 75519

hello eternity

by justjay

Member since 2003 · Posted 15 Nov 2003 · 3 comments

Hands made of ice- chills to my spine. My mind freezes- but I'm not cold. Words hit like a brick wall- harder then any punch could ever deliver. I do everything to forget- and nothing to remember. I would rather not remember- anything- then remember yesterday. Goodbye today- Hello eternity.

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mean 4.17 weighted 4.78 rank 11341 views 182 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

3 comments

[6] titan69 15-Nov-03/11:54 PM Reply
like it! good feeling.put into the words
[7] Shuushin 16-Nov-03/6:57 AM Reply
Not too bad, I think the "then" in stanza three wants to be a "than"

-7-
[7] PsydewaysTears 3-Jan-05/9:28 PM Reply
I like your use of the "—". The rest of it's a nice description of a dire emotion but to me it's only a very general emotion since I can't pinpoint which "words" are haunting you exactly or which events you're wishing to "forget" so badly. Though through and through this poem works. The word choice (especially "eternity") pulls it off.

•°•Gregory James•°•