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hello eternity (Free verse) by justjay Hands made of ice-
chills to my spine.
My mind freezes-
but I'm not cold.
Words hit like a brick wall-
harder then any punch could ever deliver.
I do everything to forget-
and nothing to remember.
I would rather not remember-
anything-
then remember yesterday.
Goodbye today-
Hello eternity.
Up the ladder:
Occam's Razor
Down the ladder:
what part
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.1666665
Posted: November 15, 2003 5:19 PM PST; Last modified: November 15, 2003 5:19 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.7758822 Overall Rank: 11361 Comments:
[6]
titan69 @ 213.48.74.74
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15-Nov-03/11:54 PM
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Reply
like it! good feeling.put into the words
Not too bad, I think the "then" in stanza three wants to be a "than"
-7-
I like your use of the "â". The rest of it's a nice description of a dire emotion but to me it's only a very general emotion since I can't pinpoint which "words" are haunting you exactly or which events you're wishing to "forget" so badly. Though through and through this poem works. The word choice (especially "eternity") pulls it off.
â¢Â°â¢Gregory Jamesâ¢Â°â¢ 182 view(s)
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