Re: Life is my agony by Prince of Void	23-Jan-05/7:35 AM
"I must despairs" is intentional for the second to last line? Definitely conveys a sense of hopelessness.
Re: Resurrection by Dreammaker1024	23-Jan-05/6:05 PM
Intrigued at first by the style. But this has a teen-angst thesaurized feel to it, still. "emitted"? I do like this though: "Weakened by your taste, aroused by the newly formed light has made this midnight a lamp unto the darkened soul within" gotta say.
Re: Early Morning Thought by Dreammaker1024	23-Jan-05/6:07 PM
line breaks would really help this.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Jan-05/8:46 PM
an abrubt ending, but still some nice tidbits in there. Maybe tone down the punctuation, let the form drive the timing. Good one.
Re: Unwed by gilded in gold	23-Jan-05/8:48 PM
nice tone, but too short - it doesn't bring me anywhere or even full circle. and I want it to.
Re: Ode 2 2Pac by PodPoet	24-Jan-05/7:07 PM
A nice job with a topic I know nothing about - having said that, I think you ran out of steam at about here: "Why couldn't you have survived And let the dark angels pass you by?" From that point on... I dunno, it looses something. What is there, however, is very strong.
Re: Feudal Conflict by Dovina	24-Jan-05/7:10 PM
I think you got word-heavy on this one, D - but I agree, it is a little ominous.
Re: An Ode To Mr. Moon (Acrostic) by Bhaskaryya	25-Jan-05/2:27 PM
"Revivifying " don't see that one much. Consisten rhyming scheme, with a change on the refrain. Kasturi is Indian, no? You might want to trim some prepositions, maybe? Why do I harp on that so?
Re: Road of Means by MacFrantic	25-Jan-05/2:32 PM
You're gonna haveta help me with this one I think. I'm trying at least - ozone layer destruction? It is a very nice start to something - but I think I need, or most people will need, more to get involved.
Re: Before I met you by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	25-Jan-05/5:10 PM
That is pretty damn sweet, I gotta say. Enjoy the emotion, my friend - enjoy the emotion. couple spellings for you if you like: "wasen't" s/b "wasn't", "haden't", "hadn't" - except, as you may know - the misspellings add to the effect of the poem. Good luck.
Re: "I" became "We" by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	25-Jan-05/5:19 PM
I like these - I'm not keen on the god theme (and I noticed you capitalized it here, and not on the last one) and I think it would be fine without it - but hey - it's your thang. Carry on.
Re: Your Eyes Are Like Stearling Saphires in the month of June by tisa7	27-Jan-05/2:37 PM
Hi t7 - a pretty thing, but a couple spellings: "Sterling", "Sapphires" and "threw" should be "through" and I don't know if you meant "painful" or did the painflu on purpose. "in to" should prolly be "into"
Re: In Answer To Your Question by Dovina	27-Jan-05/2:59 PM
3 spaces between comma and the "I'll" in the 3rd stanza I guess it works as a "prose poem" - but why? This could be said in far fewer words and cleaner as a less verbose (or nounose) poem.
Re: Waiting for October by wilco	27-Jan-05/8:12 PM
"The flower’s been washed clean." specify flower - fix meter. "The ghosts are coming through" - weak description - fixable.
Re: thoughts on a long lazy day by francis nor capule	27-Jan-05/8:13 PM
purity often wins.
Re: Hades Ain't Far Enough by MacFrantic	28-Jan-05/10:11 AM
"dread upon the dalliers" - nice I like this one, MF.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jan-05/8:39 AM
This is pretty funny in that I just posted a slightly similar thing. I hadn't read this. Interesting. I like the feel of it quite a bit, you've got a couple capitalization things, worthy of an edit, that keep me from giving it a 10, otherwise, well, I would.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jan-05/3:06 PM
"when you expect something to be perfect it never is." amen to that.
Re: Yes, D.A. Private Eye Guy by Luzr	1-Feb-05/10:58 AM
a swing and a miss.
Re: Dying Abroad by zodiac	1-Feb-05/10:58 AM
2 triolets, almost - why you mess with formula, boy? Do you feel that repeating the frame of the first line in the first line of the second stanza makes up for the change in the second to last line of the first? I might go for that. Sure, why not - you're entitled to your opinion of what a triolet is. Absolutely. I like the second half of that first stanza, starting from slip. Has a nice flow and sound to it. Except I missss the logic of thisss sssound she makesss over the fields, or why, or how this adds to the "trouble" of the day. These commas - are you purposely trying to kill the flow? Espec. L3 in S2 Nice solid concept though with the early snow on an uncut field of hay. Makes sense. Then, right away, you talk more about hay. Hey. "hay-smelling" ... very evocative, btw. Does that mean it "smells like hay"? That you miss the smell of hay? Or maybe you are anthropomorphising autumn by giving it a nose. How you must miss that nose. This is the best thing you've ever written.