regarding some deleted poem...	13-Jan-05/12:48 PM
I get it -"leafed open" fairly verbose compared to your usual fare - something different?
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Jan-05/12:49 PM
Thanks.
Re: You tell me by RION12	14-Jan-05/11:44 PM
"cheek" watch the duplicate rhymes
Re: Rain by dancin_n_da_moonlite	16-Jan-05/6:36 AM
quotation marks like odd raindrops, which is cool. Unfortunately, I voiced the poem with the dog from that very odd religious claymation show "Davey and Goliath".
Re: Buried On Hollowed Ground by Enchantres	16-Jan-05/8:33 PM
Despite being a suicide/death poem (something too often done and done badly) this has an unusual angle in that it's a post mortem - and I like that. What I don't like is that there are opportunities missed for some potentially nice descriptive bits: night, fog, cemetary gates. Instead you just blurt them out like a noob. Maybe loose the whole first stanza so the reader isn't immediately disappointed right off the bat.
Re: Only Me by heartlessempath	16-Jan-05/8:40 PM
an interesting idea, this. But I thinks it's a bit overdialoged - distracting. And the warrior angle could be clarified too, prolly. But really, a cool thing.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Jan-05/8:42 PM
Pretty funny, really. I hate clever shit I never thought of. This might be tough to read out-loud though...
Re: Vulture by Stacy Stewart	16-Jan-05/8:50 PM
how bout a couple line breaks there? An observation: in places you omit a word, apparently because it isn't needed - and I agree with that philosophy, but in others you pack in little extra ones as if you get paid by the letter (the first three words for starters, the on nearly every line, the first two or three. Clean that crap out and it won't be so pants.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jan-05/8:32 AM
It's a nice message, and sometimes it's good to hear it. Doesn't mean we need a slew of "I'm okay, you're okay" poems, but the timing for this one was good. Much appreciated.
Re: Hate the Contestant by Blindpoetry	17-Jan-05/8:40 AM
I'll have to look up the connection between michael moore and bands - brb
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jan-05/7:45 PM
put the other one back up. Bitch.
Re: black dog by wilco	19-Jan-05/7:50 PM
Pretty not bad - slowly and slow are too close "Remembrance" (spelling). What's it about - murrderrr?
Re: Jeremiah is mud by somemorepoetry	19-Jan-05/7:54 PM
nice with the crows remove all the commas, put a semi after "water" "separate" (spelling) interesting visuals and conclusion - consider changing "crows" to "blackbirds" (because you have "scarecrows" later on and the duplication is unflattering).
Re: black dog by wilco	19-Jan-05/7:55 PM
better!
Re: Aeuphoria by MacFrantic	19-Jan-05/7:57 PM
"things awry" is a little vague, don't you think - maybe a missed opportunity given the sparseness here. I think its better without that last line, really.
Re: The Flower by Bhaskaryya	19-Jan-05/8:08 PM
what kind of flower? what makes it appealing? why "a few" - loose that. this tendency to put a descriptor to actions that you've already described (or should by other means) is distracting. Like "hasty" and "Heedlessly". and there's something unsettling about the real-time nature of this - the play-by-play, yet you put "yet unaware [that you trampled over the living]" - that retrospective though process pulls the reader right out of the moment. And really, the action speaks for itself, or could better do so. I think you could make this moment with the little twist (pluck) ending a fairly nice piece with just a little attention to the types of things I just said. Not that I have an advanced degree from an accredited poetry school or anything.
Re: Homophobic Self-Help Poem. (For the men who drive a mustang) by SupremeDreamer	21-Jan-05/9:12 PM
Beautiful first stanza, my friend. S5, also very good. I can't quite talk myself into the tone of it somehow though.
Re: The Stone Seeker and the Stacking by darkshark	21-Jan-05/9:17 PM
Certainly not a zero - and I don't know what you did to piss off supremedreamer. This has moments of very nice poetry, but then it starts and fits into almost a Caricature of poetry. Notch it back a bit and give the thing some focus.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jan-05/9:50 PM
It really is a good point, and something worthy of poetry - but I'd like to see the beauty in this without you telling me that it is beautiful; without seeing the word "beautiful" AND without you *actually asking* me to see it. It's like an ex-lover saying they've changed - the more they say it, the less you believe it. Show me - don't tell me.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jan-05/10:12 PM
Too obviously a concession to rhyme. I hope it was fun to make, at least. "Forgave" should be "forgiven" (its an irregular verb and becomes "forgiven" [past participle] when used with an auxiliarly verb).