Re: Reckoning by <~>	9-Jan-06/7:36 PM
Lovely, tastey words prettily played.
Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT	9-Jan-06/7:39 PM
Quite great, mostly; I could do without "playing" and a few other doubly described words that keep this less poetic while staying poignant - a personal preference only.
Re: I wish I was a chav by Stephen Robins	8-Aug-06/11:19 AM
a ending would be nice.
Re: A Night out With Chaucer by cleverdevice	8-Aug-06/11:25 AM
brylliante
Re: Innocence revisited by Caducus	4-Oct-06/6:54 PM
I read virginal as "vaginal", go figure.
Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	4-Oct-06/6:57 PM
yep, I hate when I throw up words, especially "why" let the words do a little of the work - there are too many here, methinks.
Re: Untitled by PunkyPanda	4-Oct-06/6:59 PM
a scab implies a healing wound, no? I'd like to see this said with fewer, more powerful imagery.
Re: Slow death by Blade	5-Oct-06/4:16 AM
A slow death? More like a day in the life!
Re: Peter by Wakeboarder20	5-Oct-06/4:19 AM
The boat metaphor comes out of nowhere, but otherwise I like the tone. Fairly cogent, too. Apply some poetic tools and it could find a wider appeal.
Re: Surreal... by Yardbird	5-Oct-06/4:20 AM
insane. Funny.
Re: Upon the Battlefield by cleverdevice	5-Oct-06/4:22 AM
killed by a strife/life rhyme. Nobody uses the word strife and expects not to be eaten by bed-monsters, not even Frances Cornford.
Re: 9/11/2001 by MuDvAyNe	5-Oct-06/7:10 AM
me no comprenday.
Re: Ode to a Depleted Uranium Shell by Yardbird	5-Oct-06/7:12 AM
The action is well described, as is the projectile's intent - but the imagery is primitive.
Re: Death by rabbit by INTRANSIT	5-Oct-06/7:16 AM
I think "black maw" doesn't help things, but otherwise very well crafted.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Oct-06/12:23 PM
first person perspective kills this; try this as a character piece.
Re: Soy Flat White with One by helenwales	13-Oct-06/12:26 PM
Computer generated? if so - a nine, otherwise (not)
Re: Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT	13-Oct-06/12:32 PM
line breaks are odd, IT; pieces of this I like alot, but it doesn't flow for me. trade more active verbs with "hold" "goes", "meet". Missed opportunities, make all the words worth something.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Oct-06/12:46 PM
My gawd. Prepositional phrases are insane in this. I've toned down picking on this pet peeve of mine (it's an epidemic) but look at the first two stanzas: "in black"; "from hooded crown". "about holy comforter" "in muted terror", "down the steps" "to damnation". "beneath Spartan covers" and on it goes - all these short prep phrases make a droning, list-like flow and creates layers of complexity in the reader's mind as they build the relationships between images. If you can get past the need to lay things out in this blueprintedly verbose way then your poetry will advance significantly .
Re: Crappy by drnick	17-Oct-06/7:24 AM
It isn't really clear what this is about (in the poem - the commented reference makes it, if not meaningless, inconsequential). rain sliding down the window is approximately as primitive as one can get when describing rain sliding down a window.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Jan-07/1:48 PM
anthropomorphizing "life" is a problematic poetic decision, rather, consider describing how one might make that search; the thought process, images or metaphor that relate to it. as far as being near the restless sea - what makes it so? don't tell me it is restless, show me that it is. How does one determine how deep the water is when standing on the shore? Do you mean the height of the cliff mentioned in the second stanza? Confusing. a larger question - what is the relationship between restlessness and seeking a perfect life? since there is no imagery, really, the first stanza simply becomes "I was peering into the sea searching for perfection [in my life]" use some poetic tools (besides rhyme, please), engage the readers senses. Now the second stanza, that generates some emotion and imagery, but it does so because it is easy for the reader to plug in his own image. I, for one, ignored the question of how I got to the cliff in the first place and just pictured the red arc of the bleeding seeker. Mostly one walks away from this with "oh, hey - he rymed 'perfection' and 'reflection'. hopefully not too rambling, my rambling. I'm afraid it mostly boils down to "show, don't tell".