| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Death by rabbit (Other) by INTRANSIT I wasn't bothered by the split and shuck
of fur from flesh as they hung
by their rear legs over the Rubbermaid can
lined with the black maw of a Hefty bag.
It was the realization
that every animal
feels pain just before death
whether it comes after the first
knock to the back of the head,
or the third, and just before
the warm trickle of release.
Up the ladder:
Waiting for October
Down the ladder:
I dreamt a white Black widow
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.428571
Posted: May 3, 2006 6:56 PM PDT; Last modified: May 3, 2006 6:56 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.6531434 Overall Rank: 2098 Comments:
[9]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
|
4-May-06/8:22 AM
|
Reply
A picture I prefer to avoid.
I likes it! "as they hung"--this threw me off--is someone holding them or are they (as suggested) sort of dangling on the lip? Also, think about dropping "lined with the" ("by their rear legs over the Rubbermaid can, the black maw of a Hefty bag"). Hmmm. maybe. I'm always split on brand-names in poems; on the one hand, I like the detail, on the other hand "Hefty" and "Rubbermaid" are a little distracting. I dunno. Nitpicking. Ending line is ace. Nice work.
At least he knocked them on the head. That's humane, compared to slitting their throats while they hang shaking scared by their hind feet. Maybe you had this in mind also - feeling pain just before the warm trickle; that would not be so if they are knocked out first.
You make too much of the container, I think. Does it matter what it's made of and lined with? It used to bother me too. Good poem.
This reminded me of a time when I was young and watched my father slaughter chickens--he used to knock them on the head. great poem.
Reminds me of the time I had fresh caught rabbit. Tastes like chicken you know.
I think "black maw" doesn't help things, but otherwise very well crafted.
247 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
