Re: a comment on Paean by Terence	19-Jul-03/1:59 AM
Thanks! Are you sure you didn't prefer JBH's scallop/barnacle rewrite?
Re: a comment on Slip by Terence	19-Jul-03/1:54 AM
What does "GTQ" mean?
Re: Mistaken Paradise by DJCARTER	18-Jul-03/2:16 AM
A bit of a mess, but I like the sentiments expressed! The rhythm is rather jolting, like a nervous driver applying the brakes too frequently in heavy traffic.
Re: The Girl Who Is Gone by BuffysBack419	18-Jul-03/2:13 AM
A bit child-like, but I expect that the simple style has been adopted consciously and for a specific effect. Correct me if I'm wrong. The first stanza was undoubtedly the best bit. The rest needs polishing.
Re: a comment on Paean by Terence	17-Jul-03/10:13 AM
By the way, the closest I can get is "jackal" or "mackerel". The latter would be more in keeping with the marine theme.
Re: Federales by Bachus	17-Jul-03/10:09 AM
Good.
Re: a comment on Border towns & the runs by horus8	17-Jul-03/10:05 AM
You must agree that the second half of the penultimate stanza and the whole of the last stanza are a waste of space reminiscent more of a holiday diary than a poem. These lines are narrative "chit chat". I hope I'm not being unduly negative. I should stress that I love the first part of the poem. Please try to accept a bit of constructive criticism for once.
Re: a comment on Paean by Terence	17-Jul-03/10:00 AM
LOL. Unfortunately, barnacle does not rhyme with girl. Do you have any suggestions as to what word should replace "girl" at the end of the second line to rhyme with barnacle?
Re: a comment on Paean by Terence	17-Jul-03/9:58 AM
You spotted a typo. It's not "paen" - it's "paean". A paean is a song of praise or gratitude.
Re: a comment on Paean by Terence	17-Jul-03/8:43 AM
Good point. I have corrected the poem accordingly by changing "you are" to "she is".
Re: Train Suicide by snjofridur1	17-Jul-03/7:39 AM
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.
Re: Class Life by lorigan85	17-Jul-03/7:36 AM
This poem is still a jumble of raw emotion. It needs to be beaten into shape a bit more.
Re: a comment on The Mcdonald Haikus by scitz	17-Jul-03/7:31 AM
*disappointingly
Re: The Mcdonald Haikus by scitz	17-Jul-03/7:31 AM
A good idea disappointly executed
Re: Pretzel by daryash-koh	17-Jul-03/7:08 AM
I don't understand this one. Too obscure by far.
Re: Border towns & the runs by horus8	17-Jul-03/7:07 AM
The fourth stanza is great, but the poem goes all flabby and loses its shape at the end.
Re: Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer	17-Jul-03/7:05 AM
Wow. Great imagery. A well-deserved 9, my boy.
Re: beyond sences by calilegzzz	17-Jul-03/7:03 AM
A very mysterious 6 for you, I think.