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Paean (Other) by Terence I was restless, unhappy and bored.
Then my spirit soared for a girl.
Now in boundless amazement I praise the dear Lord,
For the world is my oyster when she is my pearl.
Up the ladder:
SupremeDreamer
Down the ladder:
A Sullen Moon
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Posted: July 17, 2003 3:39 AM PDT; Last modified: July 17, 2003 9:57 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9284782 Overall Rank: 9342 Comments:
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Christof @ 217.44.71.83
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17-Jul-03/7:49 AM
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Reply
'she is my pearl' maybe? Otherwise it soudns like the Lord is your pearl, given the uncertainties between 2nd and 3rd person
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Terence @ 195.157.153.253
> Christof
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17-Jul-03/8:43 AM
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Good point. I have corrected the poem accordingly by changing "you are" to "she is".
kinda sounds a bit cliche
but i like the flow what is paen btw
You spotted a typo. It's not "paen" - it's "paean".
A paean is a song of praise or gratitude.
Fortune cookie poetry is better not removed from the cookie and consumed. When your spirit soars, do you steer it like a kite? When you praise the lord, do you give god the glory, glory? I believe the world is your scallop and she is a barnacle.
LOL. Unfortunately, barnacle does not rhyme with girl. Do you have any suggestions as to what word should replace "girl" at the end of the second line to rhyme with barnacle?
By the way, the closest I can get is "jackal" or "mackerel". The latter would be more in keeping with the marine theme.
Don't be silly of course it can. lol. No, but it was the title typo that bugged me earlier, and also, this is a freeverse.
See, to me, this has all been down to death. Does that mean it's not good or worth it's meaning to you? No. So here.
So if the world is your oyster and the girl is your pearl, who does that make the swine?
Ahh, isn't that just sweet... now diE! Just kidding.
Its a cute lil piece, the only thing i really liked was the oyster/pearl bit.. reminds me of a poem i wrote when i was 15. blessed with 8. welcome to the ranker!
Thanks! Are you sure you didn't prefer JBH's scallop/barnacle rewrite?
horus is a damn good writer, but i like the oyster/pearl version.. not because its better or anything of the sort, but because it just tickles my g-spot.
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