Paean

Member since 2003 · Posted 17 Jul 2003 · Edited 17 Jul 2003 · 14 comments

I was restless, unhappy and bored. Then my spirit soared for a girl. Now in boundless amazement I praise the dear Lord, For the world is my oyster when she is my pearl.

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14 comments

[n/a] Christof 17-Jul-03/7:49 AM Reply

'she is my pearl' maybe? Otherwise it soudns like the Lord is your pearl, given the uncertainties between 2nd and 3rd person

[n/a] Terence › Christof 17-Jul-03/8:43 AM Reply

Good point. I have corrected the poem accordingly by changing "you are" to "she is".

[n/a] JoyLuck 17-Jul-03/9:34 AM Reply

kinda sounds a bit cliche
but i like the flow
what is paen btw

[n/a] Terence › JoyLuck 17-Jul-03/9:58 AM Reply

You spotted a typo. It's not "paen" - it's "paean".
A paean is a song of praise or gratitude.

[n/a] Bachus 17-Jul-03/9:41 AM Reply

Fortune cookie poetry is better not removed from the cookie and consumed. When your spirit soars, do you steer it like a kite? When you praise the lord, do you give god the glory, glory? I believe the world is your scallop and she is a barnacle.

[n/a] Terence › Bachus 17-Jul-03/10:00 AM Reply

LOL. Unfortunately, barnacle does not rhyme with girl. Do you have any suggestions as to what word should replace "girl" at the end of the second line to rhyme with barnacle?

[n/a] Terence › Terence 17-Jul-03/10:13 AM Reply

By the way, the closest I can get is "jackal" or "mackerel". The latter would be more in keeping with the marine theme.

[7] <{Baba^Yaga}> › Terence 17-Jul-03/10:28 AM Reply

Don't be silly of course it can. lol. No, but it was the title typo that bugged me earlier, and also, this is a freeverse.

[7] <{Baba^Yaga}> 17-Jul-03/10:25 AM Reply

See, to me, this has all been down to death. Does that mean it's not good or worth it's meaning to you? No. So here.

[n/a] daryash-koh 17-Jul-03/10:35 AM Reply

So if the world is your oyster and the girl is your pearl, who does that make the swine?

[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos 18-Jul-03/3:20 PM Reply

Ahh, isn't that just sweet... now diE! Just kidding.

[8] SupremeDreamer 18-Jul-03/9:03 PM Reply

Its a cute lil piece, the only thing i really liked was the oyster/pearl bit.. reminds me of a poem i wrote when i was 15. blessed with 8. welcome to the ranker!

[n/a] Terence › SupremeDreamer 19-Jul-03/1:59 AM Reply

Thanks! Are you sure you didn't prefer JBH's scallop/barnacle rewrite?

[8] SupremeDreamer › Terence 19-Jul-03/4:09 AM Reply

horus is a damn good writer, but i like the oyster/pearl version.. not because its better or anything of the sort, but because it just tickles my g-spot.