| Re: a comment on today the world is beauty by nentwined |
2-Jul-04/11:33 AM |
I don't think I've felt this way before, either. It's rather disconcerting. I actually really don't mean awestruck in that manner. No awe is involved.
I suspect it may have to do with my sleep cycle and my caffeine cycle.
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| Re: Little Girl by hbhpoems |
30-Jun-04/11:16 AM |
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spelling and grammar would help this. still too much telling for me.
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| Re: Chin-up by Rodavlas |
28-Jun-04/7:49 PM |
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somewhat catchy. a bit kitschy as well; the chin-up/move-out has a nice rhythm to it, though.
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| Re: Fumble at the Lounge by Rodavlas |
28-Jun-04/7:47 PM |
The metaphor is somewhat interesting, but overall it doesn't have enough rhythm for me; the lines jerk from one to the next. The half-rhyme of 'couch' and 'pout' really doesn't work for me. I think the poem could be more interesting if you explored the metaphor a bit more directly and left the broad statements to be assumed.
Hope this is somewhat helpful...
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| Re: a comment on afraid by hbhpoems |
26-Jun-04/2:25 PM |
sorry; I totally meant the opposite. woke up too early.
show not tell if done very explicity can be interesting. this is not it.
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| Re: afraid by hbhpoems |
26-Jun-04/1:03 PM |
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While I'm sure this is a poem about yourself and all the abuse you have suffered, you're not doing a very good job of expressing it. For one, it's a very tired theme, and there's nothing new in your treatment. For two, it's pure showing-not-telling, and while there are exceptions to that rule as any other, this is not one of them. For three, there's very little flow to the piece.
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| Re: a comment on afraid by hbhpoems |
26-Jun-04/1:00 PM |
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Just the last week, eh? What would you say those were?
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| Re: My first Haiku by DJCopasetic |
29-May-04/7:40 PM |
this more properly goes in the 'metaku' category.
cute, though.
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| Re: Amy by neurula |
22-May-04/4:54 PM |
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that's my amy, all right. :)
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| Re: Perversions 7: Viva Las Naked by razorgrin |
22-May-04/3:59 PM |
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I had to look up DVDA. I have to say.
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| Re: Change by Aetius |
18-May-04/12:43 PM |
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| Re: a comment on sum of squares by nentwined |
17-May-04/9:00 PM |
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glad to hear it. you a sagittarius? ;)
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| Re: a comment on Truckers should not be poets by INTRANSIT |
16-May-04/7:59 PM |
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I was probably just reading too much into it, then, as it's self-referential at least regarding the poetry, I thought perhaps the "my reason for being here" was referring to p/r--especially made sense with the jeers and whatnot.
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| Re: Truckers should not be poets by INTRANSIT |
16-May-04/2:33 PM |
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The rhythm does seem a bit off, but villanelles are like that even when they're spot on, I think. You use some very simple rhymes, perhaps ironically, but that doesn't make them hurt less. I like the two lines you've used to repeat, and I really like that you alternate the leading. Negative points (in my book) for anything that asks for the context of poemranker. But. Dunno. For the form, and for what you're saying, I think you've done a decent job. Bonus for giving me fat to chew. This'll sit in my favorites for a bit regardless.
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| Re: a comment on selfhood, through extrospection by nentwined |
10-May-04/8:56 PM |
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| Re: a comment on forwards by nentwined |
10-May-04/7:27 PM |
I think I can manage that.
I think I can, I think I can. :)
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| Re: a comment on forwards by nentwined |
10-May-04/12:14 PM |
go for it.
we always could both.
I'm not feeling inspired as such, at the moment. If you'd like me to say I won't, so you can, I could. ish. It's your idea, after all. :)
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| Re: a comment on forwards by nentwined |
10-May-04/8:24 AM |
Subjectivity only goes so far. This poem was good for me, in that it got some things out of me. But that doesn't make it a good poem, at least in the ranker sense. To my eyes. I suppose if other people like it, ... erm. I'll just leave this as confused. Ot something.
Thoughts not so much happen, lately.
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| Re: a comment on forwards by nentwined |
9-May-04/6:05 PM |
I'm glad it's not just me. People I think vote more my status than my poetry. Or something.
In my depression I felt it had to be crap.
Feeling somewhat better, I find it very interesting crap; the stacatto-like almost-flow is nice. Or almost nice. The message--over-simplistic, if there at all. La.
You're all too kind, even the 7.
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| Re: a comment on forwards by nentwined |
8-May-04/2:52 PM |
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