Poemranker [Poem: Fumble at the Lounge] [by Rodavlas] Wed Apr 02 13:57:33 PDT 2025

Fumble at the Lounge (Free verse) by Rodavlas

Sprawled out on the couch Dreaming, sulking, smiling a pout. Dazing into a trance I wonder what? I turn to her, she doesn't budge. Wide-eyed perfection. Does she need affection? Feebishly showing her shoulders I breathlessly watch without her notice. Ashamed of my position, ashamed of my class I sit in the corner and I fumble the pass.

send this poem to a friend

complaints about this poem?

Up the ladder: Ode to My Crack

Down the ladder: Limbs

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)

	Votes
10	0	3
9	0	0
8	1	0
7	0	0
6	2	0
5	0	0
4	1	0
3	0	0
2	0	0
1	0	0
0	1	0

Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Weighted score: 5.4706473
Overall Rank: 2842

Posted: June 27, 2004 10:06 AM PDT; Last modified: June 27, 2004 10:06 AM PDT
View voting details

Comments:

[4] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 | 28-Jun-04/7:47 PM | Reply

The metaphor is somewhat interesting, but overall it doesn't have enough rhythm for me; the lines jerk from one to the next. The half-rhyme of 'couch' and 'pout' really doesn't work for me. I think the poem could be more interesting if you explored the metaphor a bit more directly and left the broad statements to be assumed.

Hope this is somewhat helpful...

172 view(s)

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

An internet tradition since June 9, 2001