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Limbs (Free verse) by Dovina Live oak limbsâ
Crooked, unorganized.
Lightning boltâ
Jagged, as if lost going home.
Never linear for long,
Deluded by fluff,
Wanderers on whims.
Built in an instant
Or century,
Like me,
The easiest shape.
Up the ladder:
Darkness Falls On Tenement Twelve
Down the ladder:
"America The Beautiful"
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Posted: December 9, 2004 5:33 PM PST; Last modified: December 9, 2004 5:33 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.4706473 Overall Rank: 2845 Comments:
What a squalid and ignoble dunce cap, on a poetic career of steadily diminishing returns. -10-
Thank you for the invitation of membership in The Rutherford Club. So nicely phrased. I must, however, decline due to prior commitments.
You aren't an uncouth bum, you are a Mature Poete, and hence aren't invited.
weird
Have you never followed the easiest path?
of course i have. like with this poem. i've only read the first line.
Well then, oak tree limbs do look weird sometimes. You are the weird one.
ignoring all but the last 5 words, i take that as a compliment
Have you read it yet?
id say that depends on whether you mean the poem or the comment, but id be lying. either way, the answers no.
The language acquisition device in your brain seems to have horribly dysfunctioned. These are not sentences.
That, unfortunately for all who may wish it, was not the reason for periods where sentences do not end. They denote breaks or ends of incomplete sentences. Of course I did not place them outside of quotation marks, as some do. If you wish to converse civilly, I could add that most of the punctuation, except the dashes, could be removed.
and if I were to converse more plainly I would say you use two verbs in four (incomplete?) sentences which seems a bit stingy. 'The live oak limbs hang crooked' sounds so much more like a sentence than the stunted 'live oak limbs-(=) Crooked'.
Thatâs both plain and civil, and not a bad suggestion. Stinginess has its place, but maybe real sentences would work better here. Live oak limbs do not often hang, however, they usually rise. Maybe:
Live oak limbs rise Crooked, unorganized. Lightning bolts hang Jagged, as if lost going home. Never linear for long, Deluded by fluff, They wander on whims. Built in an instant Or century, Like me, they assume The easiest shape. Thanks.
I always wanted to know how old was the oak trees that we had in our back yard were. -10-
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My guess is, "Poot".