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Truckers should not be poets (Villanelle) by INTRANSIT I can split the gears and I can split the years
My life is made to please others
Trying to be a poet will drive me to tears.
My reason for being here is not quite clear
as I short the day just like my brothers.
I can split the years and I can split the gears.
Vivid dreams of the white tailed deer,
Long cold nights under these covers.
Trying to be a poet will drive me to tears
I don't wish to be in front of the jeers.
Poetry can make one feel smothered.
I can split the gears and I can split the years.
Out of place in this atmosphere
I wish I were a linguisseteur
Trying to be a poet will drive me to tears
It's difficult not to oversteer
skill is sometimes undeserved.
Trying to be a poet will drive me to tears
I can split the years and I can split the gears.
Up the ladder:
Foolish
Down the ladder:
Ugly
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.4
Posted: March 18, 2003 8:45 AM PST; Last modified: June 1, 2005 7:24 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.166884 Overall Rank: 4991 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[n/a]
-=SeTTle=- @ 131.111.212.215
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18-Mar-03/9:41 AM
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Reply
Great work there INTRANSIT! It's ironic how distant yet how similar the professions of poet and trucker can sometimes be! Come round any time and I'll let you fuck my face!
[7]
hipster flare @ 209.68.67.7
> -=SeTTle=-
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18-Mar-03/9:53 AM
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grow up.
[n/a]
-=SeTTle=- @ 131.111.212.215
> hipster flare
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18-Mar-03/10:21 AM
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Reply
make me
fine. you see, when it is harder, it is easier.
you are better for the exercise, and this is quite a lovely little villanelle, goodly sir! bravo!
(i won't split hairs on beats, but read it aloud and see what i mean.)
The blue collar transition my friend. If I get there first know that I will help you get there too.
The rhythm does seem a bit off, but villanelles are like that even when they're spot on, I think. You use some very simple rhymes, perhaps ironically, but that doesn't make them hurt less. I like the two lines you've used to repeat, and I really like that you alternate the leading. Negative points (in my book) for anything that asks for the context of poemranker. But. Dunno. For the form, and for what you're saying, I think you've done a decent job. Bonus for giving me fat to chew. This'll sit in my favorites for a bit regardless.
I posted it some time ago, and I've been sitting on it until I felt like tuning it a little. The middle lines didn't rhyme before and It makes more sense with the tweaks. It beats better now too. I'll twist 'er nips a little more some other time. Thanks for yours. It asks for the context of p/r? wha?
I was probably just reading too much into it, then, as it's self-referential at least regarding the poetry, I thought perhaps the "my reason for being here" was referring to p/r--especially made sense with the jeers and whatnot.
a welcome epilogue of mr intransit, cool - likey !
What's a villanelle?
I have no Idea. Yet.
I mean, I see the form and the rhyme scheme, but is the breach in the last two stanza's typical villanelle? (my directory doesn't feature the term)
Um, the breach in the 5th is not. The sixth, yes. The best I can do is refer you to the "gold standard" of: Do not go gentle into that good night, By Dylan Thomas. Probably easy to find on the 'net. My newer one was far better. V's are one of those poems that look easy but aren't. I did a couple of hack Ghazals once. I'm bad at forms.
Splitting the years into pieces to please, some time pleasing here, some there, splitting gears, split by peers. Think I'll stay home.
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