Re: test by zanzina	17-May-06/1:53 PM
Hmm. Very minimalist. ;)
Re: tomorrow by deano	4-Oct-06/11:13 AM
Fun, and my sort of fun, to boot. Simple, but overall the cadence is right, and the sounds as well. I don't like "why isn't it tomorrow tomorrow"--that doesn't flow right. Hmm. Yeah, could use some tweaking. But I think it's worth it.
Re: Innocence revisited by Caducus	4-Oct-06/5:42 PM
"A body yard from virginal" makes me think there has to either be a typo somewhere, or a missing word--I get some gist of it from context, but well, lots of different some gists. very interesting, though. I really like the second stanza, and just want the first to cohere a little more for me.
Re: The toilet by The Eskimo King	4-Oct-06/5:43 PM
which he, who? eh.
Re: The Fox by cleverdevice	4-Oct-06/5:44 PM
cute. is it true, about foxes? The flow felt off here and there throughout, but it's cute anyway.
Re: Longing by deadstar	4-Oct-06/5:45 PM
second line really trips me up in flow; within each vein seems really odd--perhaps every? each makes me think you've only got two, for some reason. awkward and droll, overall.
Re: suicide lost the plot by T'ien	4-Oct-06/5:46 PM
the rhymes feel too forced, cheapening anything you might want us to take seriously. flow feels off in a number of places as well.
Re: Bloody Sonner by The Eskimo King	4-Oct-06/5:47 PM
too rough in flow for me.
Re: Pressing Matters in the White House by cleverdevice	4-Oct-06/5:48 PM
cutesy, but the ragged rhythm/jumps drive me crazy
Re: Morning on Galapados by Mikius	4-Oct-06/5:49 PM
it feels like you're using the same words, repetition, in a way that's not building but cheapening. I think you have a nice solid image, but it's portrayed in a step-forward, step-backward manner in awkward chunks--for me.
Re: Grab Out For J. Christ! by Sing4Jesus!	4-Oct-06/5:50 PM
wow.
Re: Innocence lost by deadstar	4-Oct-06/5:50 PM
ow.
Re: Retreived by T'ien	4-Oct-06/5:51 PM
death to love!
Re: Octubre 1992 by The Eskimo King	4-Oct-06/5:53 PM
no habla. :/ Babelfish gives me: ""Heart Rests" Duer to me heart becomes cloudy the sky the storm will make more fort rain the reason will take care of your dream so that the doubt does not do damage to you. It rests in the bed of the illusion dressed in savannahs of the hope pillows of pleasing memories and by blanket your anxieties. It dreams about the shining sun the serenity of that sea in calm the fresh breeze of the dusk and the romantic Full Moon. Fleet in the apparent dark of one night without stars that your beats plot the course towards those sublime and beside the point beautiful things." To which I say... hmm. Some pretty words? I'm an ignorant American.
Re: School. by cleverdevice	4-Oct-06/5:54 PM
eh.
Re: The Gunfighter by deadstar	4-Oct-06/5:55 PM
eh
Re: Ode to the unwanted chip by deadstar	4-Oct-06/5:56 PM
funny.
Re: Shark by cleverdevice	4-Oct-06/5:57 PM
I think you should split "My body rises and dives / UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN" into "My body rises / UP UP UP / and dives / DOWN DOWN DOWN" I actually ... this is funny, and not annoying.
Re: Flamin Monkey's by Blade	4-Oct-06/5:59 PM
's is a _possessive_, except in the case of "it's". You slay me. cute, ish.
Re: A Little Life by Tom Colebrooke	4-Oct-06/6:02 PM
fly's <-- flies cann't <-- can't cute poem, but in something so small the little problems really are mountains. flow/rhythm/etc are off and the rhymes feel forced. :/