Comments bynentwined, 561–580 back. Include replies

on Front, Porch, Swing. by horus8 28 Dec 2002, 4:56 PM
veddy veddy nice.
on some deleted poem 19 Jan 2003, 4:07 AM
didn't really do it for me; I felt too distant from the piece. pretty nonetheless.
on some deleted poem 19 Jan 2003, 4:00 AM
well, *I* found it hilarious. :) especially with the sEX at the end. Gods, I love randomness. :)

actually think it could be touched up some with a bit more... emphasis here and there. (maybe: with NOT chocolate attached) [more of a clue that that wasn't a typo of "no"?]

dunno. it's cute. :)
on 2 from 6 by INTRANSIT 19 Jan 2003, 4:01 AM
'till is spelled more properly 'til (as it's short for until, not untill)

I can't say I really get either of these, or them together, nor the title.
on Forwords by INTRANSIT 19 Jan 2003, 3:57 AM
cute. :)

did you really mean "forwords" as opposed to "forwards"? I suppose you may have, though simple minds like mine may need it more blatant of a pun (less blatant?)... "for words".
on Crystals In the snow by feathers68 19 Jan 2003, 3:58 AM
huh. I like.... the syllabic flow. it seems perfect. but I'd like a tad more rhyme, a hint other than the chopping of lines, the addition of commas where they wouldn't belong in prose, and use of imagery that this is poetry.

the statement/thought is cute, though.
on not even soup by <~> 19 Jan 2003, 4:09 AM
this I like. "well past dinner time" seems a bit prosaic for the rest in phrasing, but... I like.

and I've never really been comfortable with haikus giving information in the title that is not distinctly said (as opposed to hinted at) in the poem.
on Fuck by Bobjim 15 Jan 2003, 4:44 AM
thanks.

title's now limited to 30 chars.
on The Fire Burns Bright (an Ode to Kaolin) by <~> 4 Jan 2003, 9:41 PM
Thank you very, very much for this. It means a lot. =)
on I have reinvented the haiku and made it my own, becoming the world's first haiku gangsta in the process so you all had better just get it over with and give this 'ku a big fat TEN? by bondjedi 29 Dec 2002, 2:23 AM
that's pretty bad.
on Maria by Nicholas Monson 28 Dec 2002, 3:15 PM
I understand how hard it can be to work these things... overall I like the piece, but:

"Then I first espied her.
She had beauty to excess!
A laugh to shiver spines -
A Galician princess.

What mystic Yorkshire root
Was stirred in quiemada?
What supernatural spice
Was robbed from heaven's larder?"

really don't work for me. they stumble and may have even broken something.
on some deleted poem 28 Dec 2002, 3:25 PM
Excuding -> Exuding.

the second to last stanza stumbles for me. it feels like too much "and now a pause for reflection" -- maybe skinning it some and breaking it apart would help. I like the piece overall, and the end cinches it well.
on me, Deep-as-a-puddle and the elusive connection by lunar 28 Dec 2002, 3:13 PM
I think connection could be an interesting thing to explore, but... I had no connection with this poem beyond that.
on what I saw at work today by Bill Z Bub 28 Dec 2002, 3:22 PM
damn. cheeky but poignant.

I like the title (what I saw at work today), though perhaps something fancier might identify it better.
on some deleted poem 28 Dec 2002, 3:17 PM
I'm sorry. I really can't stand your repeated confusion with you're. Not to demean your loss myself, but I think the poem does.
on Sticks and Stones Farm, Pot Luck Thursday Nights by <~> 19 Jan 2003, 4:10 AM
a moment, but doesn't "poem" for me.
on his hair is an acid trip by blurryphotograph 10 Jan 2003, 6:07 PM
umm. erm. hrm. interesting?
on some deleted poem 28 Dec 2002, 4:59 PM
ermp?

very nice.
on The importance of lighting by blackball 19 Jan 2003, 3:53 AM
didn't really work for me. the beginning was blah enough that the hah at the end didn't do it.
on blues by <~> 19 Jan 2003, 4:04 AM
I don't quite get this. what are they teeming with, what are they awash with?

awash me unclue-full.