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Maria (Ode) by Nicholas Monson
MARIA This poem was recited by me at the occasion of the blessing of my marriage to Maria in May 2002. To understand the references, Maria's father is from Yorkshire in England and her mother is from Galicia in North Western Spain. In Galicia they make a strange brew called quiemada which is thought by some to have magical properties... The fingers of the hand Evolve from a primate's paw, So well designed to stroke, They're more often used to claw. We all turn into fighters For as we learn in life Peace is but the Promised Land. Our natural state is strife. We can't avoid our battles. We fight as best we can. It's the nature of the fighting That separates each man. Each battle causes damage And some of us get scarred. Those wounds that do not heal Turn impervious and hard. Hard will stiffen sinews. It will fleck a tongue with bile. But hard resists the joy Of a softening laugh or smile. I was such a fighter. I was battle-worn and sad. So much that I had seen Was ugly, cruel and bad. When you see the world as this A miracle's required To resurrect a spirit So cynical and tired. Then I first espied her. She had beauty to excess! A laugh to shiver spines - A Galician princess. What mystic Yorkshire root Was stirred in quiemada? What supernatural spice Was robbed from heaven's larder? What enchanting sorcery, What magic fairy-dust, Cast a spell to penetrate My battle-thickened crust? Now she stands beside me. My feet float off the ground. I view a panorama Of flowers all around. I feel lightness from below, See sunshine from above, My joy is now complete With the woman whom I love.

Up the ladder: broken nail
Down the ladder: Companionship

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Weighted score: 4.910598
Overall Rank: 9552
Posted: December 28, 2002 12:53 PM PST; Last modified: August 17, 2003 8:35 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] nentwined @ 12.107.1.131 | 28-Dec-02/3:15 PM | Reply
I understand how hard it can be to work these things... overall I like the piece, but:

"Then I first espied her.
She had beauty to excess!
A laugh to shiver spines -
A Galician princess.

What mystic Yorkshire root
Was stirred in quiemada?
What supernatural spice
Was robbed from heaven's larder?"

really don't work for me. they stumble and may have even broken something.
[n/a] wOrnella Mutiw @ 198.81.26.172 > nentwined | 28-Dec-02/4:59 PM | Reply
I agree with nentwined...I think you should rewrite the first stanza and completely eliminate the second one... I've never had quiemada...what does it taste like?....tang mixed up with jolt....ahhhhh...no, thank you Sir Monson.
[n/a] Nicholas Monson @ 67.94.161.94 > wOrnella Mutiw | 31-Dec-02/11:48 AM | Reply
NB. I understand that quiemada is vile but untterly potent. A bit like absinthe, I suppose.
[n/a] Nicholas Monson @ 67.94.161.94 > nentwined | 31-Dec-02/11:41 AM | Reply
My reservation about the verse beginning "Then I first.." is with the word "espied". It is too close to "despised". Also there should have been an exclamation mark after princess. This better sets up the next verse. I am sorry that these verses don't work for you. The second is, I think, one of the best I have ever written.
[n/a] Nicholas Monson @ 67.94.161.94 > nentwined | 31-Dec-02/11:52 AM | Reply
Dear nentwtined, thank you for reading Maria. I have posted a detailed reply to another critic who agrees with you. (Another one doesn't at all). Please check it out and thanks for commenting. Nicholas
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 28-Dec-02/3:23 PM | Reply
(whom to that) the woman and the whom don't work well off of eachother in the last line. still a pleasant, and stirring poem to say the least.r
[n/a] Nicholas Monson @ 67.94.161.94 > horus8 | 31-Dec-02/11:33 AM | Reply
I am glad it achieved a stirring effect. When read aloud (slowly) it works even better. Its debut led the congregation at the wedding of my muse and I to roar though I hope this wasn't with relief that the poem had ended. See a comment below about whom from another contributor. It may not work well to your ear but it is correct grammar. Please experiment with a grammatical alternative and post it if you find one.
[10] smlink84 @ 68.100.154.95 | 28-Dec-02/7:09 PM | Reply
Very NIce, "Whom is the correct grammar", don't worry. I also feel that" Then I first espied her.
She had beauty to excess!
A laugh to shiver spines -
A Galician princess.

What mystic Yorkshire root
Was stirred in quiemada?
What supernatural spice
Was robbed from heaven's larder?"

is very descriptive in imagery.
[n/a] Nicholas Monson @ 67.94.161.94 > smlink84 | 31-Dec-02/11:46 AM | Reply
Thank you. And you are right Whom is the correct grammar. Princess should have been followed by an exclamation mark to set up better the next verse. Also I am glad you like the imagery. Amongst my best. If you like this poem, check out my sonnet, Cecelia. I would be interested to see your response.
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