Comments bynentwined, 541–560 back. Include replies

on some deleted poem 19 Jan 2003, 4:11 AM
looks like an evil librarian. :heh:

... filing?
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 7:18 AM
hmm. ?
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 7:20 AM
eh.

images are... trite. done. dead. vapid.
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 4:11 AM
hmm. I didn't really like how the last two stanzas rebelled against the form of the rest of the poem. pretty, overall.
on Tree (WARNING: do NOT hug!) by Yardbird 21 Jan 2003, 7:14 AM
cute.
on Sierra by crimzon 26 Jan 2003, 7:08 AM
some scan problems, but overall nice. "her nose ... beautiful", for instance, stumbles me. I'd also put a line break between "her" and "she", and possible "she" and "her" to hint to the reader of the switch. 7.
on the play by famenglory 26 Jan 2003, 7:21 AM
could use some serious work on delivery, I think. it's cute, but it doesn't flow, and that loses it for me. 4
on Smoking Clitoris with PHD handles by <{Baba^Yaga}> 26 Jan 2003, 4:13 AM
why two p's in appology?
on Abused by scitz 26 Jan 2003, 4:14 AM
Too simplistic for my tastes. "this then this then this then this", forced rhyme and cadence...
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 4:15 AM
hilarious. :)

eh, it must be early in the morning.

I really want to give this a 7.5.
on Wild Child by crimzon 26 Jan 2003, 4:17 AM
The repetition thing is something I do much myself, but this feels... cluttered and bloated. try to chop some words and ponder more strongly the images you've got. as well, consider why you're actually writing the poem, what you want to convey.
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 4:19 AM
cute, but not for me. you might submit this to nfg, really, though I suggest not as a poem. :)
on 3.85g by Crakyamuni 26 Jan 2003, 4:20 AM
hmm. could use some grammar/spelling work imo. curious what the g is -- before looking at the poem, I expected it to mean gravities. could also use some cliche work, and rhythm.
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 4:21 AM
cliche. :/

maybe you could do something with this to rise it above the done and dead?
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 4:23 AM
why did this have to hurt? I definitely can appreciate your pain after reading this. :/

I expect DA would get a kick out of this.
on insomnia plunge by pomoxo 26 Jan 2003, 4:24 AM
interesting. I like the form a lot, but can't quite wrap myself around it nor submerge myself in it. yet... I like it.
on Dr. Skellington by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26 Jan 2003, 4:29 AM
it makes me chuckle, at least. 81% 76.8% la.

la la la.
on early morning write by crimzon 26 Jan 2003, 7:06 AM
this stumbles for me near 'belated', or perhaps 'today' -- one syllable too many?

ever patient should by hyphenated, I think.

"stealing its blanket of twilight" doesn't quite scan right, either.

I like this a lot, though. 8.
on poemrancour by JakeBike 21 Jan 2003, 11:12 AM
crack! crack crack crack! :squaw: crack!
on some deleted poem 26 Jan 2003, 4:14 AM
Why did you write this?