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3.85g (Free verse) by Crakyamuni The void is inside and out
it pushed me down stole my pride
attempting to leave me dead inside
From the void she could not run or hide
only sit, shit ,vomit, or die
you see the VOID is not dead inside
feeding on conciousness like and endless feast
the void is lord and conqueror of the darkest of beast
trying to e-qu@te function to form
this void is a vagabond and hardly the norm
Far removed from what the mind can see
this void is dead in you and me?
Up the ladder:
The importance of lighting
Down the ladder:
Mother Earth
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Posted: January 25, 2003 10:19 AM PST; Last modified: January 25, 2003 10:19 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1430435 Overall Rank: 5357 Comments:
[n/a]
Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232
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25-Jan-03/7:08 PM
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Reply
liked the first two stanzas, but the second half lost me.
hmm. could use some grammar/spelling work imo. curious what the g is -- before looking at the poem, I expected it to mean gravities. could also use some cliche work, and rhythm.
i think the whole thing is great, 10
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