| Re: the play by famenglory |
26-Jan-03/7:21 AM |
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could use some serious work on delivery, I think. it's cute, but it doesn't flow, and that loses it for me. 4
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| Re: Forgotten by famenglory |
26-Jan-03/7:22 AM |
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| Re: alms by famenglory |
26-Jan-03/7:24 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/7:26 AM |
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I think you could have actually done something with this, though I'm not sure what. Definitely not this, though.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/7:29 AM |
I think this is the closest to grasping at least some dignity in itself. There are a few spots where the cadence drops.
I recommend dropping "back" from the first "back then" and "church" from "church Christmas". The second "again" strikes a painful cord with the first one. some two syllables would do well to replace "back again".
6. 7 with changes, I think.
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| Re: Jeremi and my cat oh and Elton by w~* ATHENA *~w |
26-Jan-03/7:30 AM |
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I'm with JC on this one. ish.
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| Re: The Ode that never was by Shardik |
26-Jan-03/8:20 AM |
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nicely done, for what it is. :) the only bit o' weakness I felt be the toad, and 'm not quite sure what.
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| Re: mornings, january by <~> |
26-Jan-03/8:21 AM |
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I like how the third line sets scale when none was there before. :)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/8:23 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/8:24 AM |
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shy slowly she skulls... sulks? skulls?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/8:25 AM |
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the rhythm really doesn't do it for me. I stumble all over the place, unexpectedly.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/8:26 AM |
ehhhhhh.
patient.
and keep practicing.
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| Re: Perfect by wordontheverge |
26-Jan-03/8:27 AM |
revist?
not a fan of this style.
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| Re: Why my cock attracts idiots by horus8 |
26-Jan-03/8:31 AM |
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lol! asl! I am a mockery of mocking myself mocking mockery? 7.
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| Re: Snowblind by horus8 |
26-Jan-03/11:55 AM |
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| Re: Stars of the sky by GTK |
26-Jan-03/11:56 AM |
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| Re: Jesus was the Antichrist by TheDevil |
26-Jan-03/11:56 AM |
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eh. not horribly amusing.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/11:57 AM |
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good words, but I couldn't really stick to it.
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| Re: Small Town Tavern by NinjaPoet |
26-Jan-03/12:00 PM |
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I wasn't sure where it was going, but I like where it ended. The middle was... eh. but good for the contrast, I suppose.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-03/12:01 PM |
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