Re: good-bye kansas city: meditation #1 by poetandknowit	12-Aug-02/5:57 PM
all right p&k. i'll give it up for this one. i'm smiling big now.
Re: To You, In Warmer Climes by <~>	12-Aug-02/5:50 PM
babbit--actually, i had not tried it sans articles. i recently rewrote it, and you are right; it could be tighter. as for the 'cross', it's a cross rhyme with longer, and i liked the truncation of the word as well as the mental suggestion of trial/suffering that the word invokes. so, my poem has its 'cross' to bear. and longer, not only for the rhyme, but also for the sense of passage of time. as for the one-dimensional comment, that was indeen for p&k; i find your work to be layered with meaning. also, the whole point of the triangle poem, as it has come to be known in these circles, is that all balances on the 'I'. very awkward, with the weight of the world on one's shoulders, non?
Re: Sleepy Geek by razorgrin	12-Aug-02/12:27 PM
it's no fun being in the service industry, period. perhaps an other unholy bargain could be struck? --liked it lots.
Re: in a parking lot by <~>	12-Aug-02/12:02 PM
god bless the sneezers! they need it. sorry about your thumb. i spent yesterday floating in a lake, talking about riptides with divers. nary a wave to be seen, but plenty o'sun, and time to think.
Re: My Hidden Love for You by Kriss	12-Aug-02/11:07 AM
haha. me? wise. nope. but i'm glad my comments helped you.
Re: Diminishing by <~>	12-Aug-02/10:40 AM
silly me! and i thought (just because i wrote it, i guess) that it was about people searching for meaning, and in the end, finding no one but themselves! duh! now it all comes clear! i bow to your wis-dim, oh surface-staring assessor of subtleties. forgive my impudence.
Re: My Hidden Love for You by Kriss	12-Aug-02/10:28 AM
i'm glad your teachers like your work, but being 'appropriate' is not necessarily something you want to strive for: "be a good little girl and write 'appropriate' poetry." why not stretch the limits? why not make people think, instead of placating them? since you asked--well, as far as poetry goes, this can be classified as 'free verse', and that's a loose way of saying that it expresses an idea in other-than-prose. other than that, it employs no other poetic devices: similie, metaphor, allusion, alliteration, rhyme, meter, etc. and, generally, we like to learn something new when we read a poem. that's the beauty of it: a condensed idea that expands in your thoughts the more you turn it over. you've not given us anything here; you've not compared this love to anything else to give us a twist on it; you've not described it in any way that is remarkable. you have these feelings for this person; distill them, refine your description of them. think of a poem as a lump of coal that becomes a diamond--you start out with a LOT of coal, and time and pressure condense it down to one little tiny spot of brilliance that blinds you so that you want to see it again and again. it's a lot of time and effort, and often a long wait before anything of value is produced. but, people seem to think that diamonds are of value. so, i suggest that you take this vein of coal and mine it deeply. you have the feelings; oerhaps you do not have the depth of experience that older people have, but that does not invalidate what you do have. learn from your experiences. find the heart of the matter. make that the poem. there is so much fluff out there. make your words worth reading. does that make sense?
Re: My Hidden Love for You by Kriss	12-Aug-02/10:02 AM
kriss, check out other poets when they speak of love: Emily Dickenson, Walt Whitman, Rumi, Carl Sandberg: http://www.lovepoetry.com/poems/classic1.html and then, judge for yourself. imitation is a superb learning tool.
Re: Diminishing by <~>	12-Aug-02/9:47 AM
dear p&k, a concrete poem looks like what it is. in this case, the poem is titled 'diminishing.' it diminishes in form, both visually and in beats per couplet (10,10, 9,9, 8,8, etc.). there are other ways in which the title may be interpeted as relates to the subject matter. so, to answer your question, yes, it is a triangle, and it is one on purpose. i like to think that i spend some time crafting my poems before i submit them for review. i want the reader to think about what he/she reads/sees/hears. many of my poems are better when read aloud than when scanned, due to the alliteration and assonance i employ. horus8's are best when he speaks them--go to his website and see for yourself. they are immediate and personal; many of the rankers here seem to miss that when reading only his words in plain text on this site. it's a limitation of the form. granted, you have to look pretty hard sometimes to find a meaning in some of the stuff on this site, but many times it's well worth the effort. i read your work, and hey, it's great that you can rhyme, but poetry is much, much more. check it out sometime.
Re: Madison's Mom by RWAndersen	12-Aug-02/6:48 AM
reeks of sagacity, but something seems lost in the translation.
Re: Lost Dreams by DirtyKurtsGurl	12-Aug-02/6:46 AM
and then....? redeem yourself, and take us along for the ride, would ya? something, anything. everybody loses dreams. do something with it.
Re: ghost of one by crin	11-Aug-02/7:30 PM
i like the imagery in stanza 2 very much, but feel like the rest is not nearly as tight
Re: Untitled by Piano	11-Aug-02/7:25 PM
WCW= william carlos williams
Re: Few Too Little by talking_goldfish	8-Aug-02/11:26 AM
fire, earth, water, AIR. then maybe self. if you're going to get elemental on us, that is.
Re: spending time on the beach as the world comes sneezing to an end (Thursday afternoon) by unknown	8-Aug-02/7:38 AM
nothing like a good apocalypse to brightenm up one's day.
Re: regrets by kthulah	8-Aug-02/7:24 AM
sane? no. changed, yes. i have tried to express this, but i always feel like it comes out trite, so it stays in my notebook, where it belongs. this is masterful. kudos.
Re: bitch by kthulah	8-Aug-02/7:13 AM
indeed. nice job.
Re: Becoming Indifferent by hmph	8-Aug-02/7:05 AM
i'm confused...wouldn't that be you?
Re: Two Eagles by Frass	7-Aug-02/9:09 PM
the sounds these words make are lovely. the glint of the sun blinds me.
Re: 22nd Anniversary by Frass	7-Aug-02/9:07 PM
nice, the way 'bitter' has a positive aspect in this piece. shapes my view of her more than any other, except maybe the last