| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Virgin Poet (Free verse) by emilyowey Untouched by hands of darkness
Blind to the world of men
Inside a shell of childhood
Behind a cloud of white
My eyes see only surface
The beauty of myself
I long to live among you
Amidst the jaded minds
Writing what is purely me
Not spouting thoughts of old
But therein lies the hardness
Where there is ugliness
Can I simply take a step
And there begin to live
Will birds still spin their magic
Will air still taste so sweet
Can love be any better
Than childish joys I see
Rip away my innocence
Take now my faith and hope
Cut me with reality
Stain me with your knowledge
Tear away my bridal gown
See what I really am
Steal away this soul of mine
And leave me just like you
Up the ladder:
Coloring Loss
Down the ladder:
Chew your food!
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.5555553
Posted: August 5, 2002 10:34 PM PDT; Last modified: August 5, 2002 10:34 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.7777777 Overall Rank: 1720 Comments:
[7]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
|
5-Aug-02/10:57 PM
|
Reply
okay..shall i use lube..or go for the dry sigh?n
ignorance is bliss, emily, but do you want to be an Eloi? live. feel. endure. rise. the air will taste sweeter, the birds will enchant you, and the ocean will heave your sobs upon the senseless shores...you will harden; you will pulse; you will find new ways to love.
thank you, horus, for your completely worthless and sophomoric comment. i'm sure the poet really appreciates it. 2 things stand out to me. who is the addressee? is a real person being addressed? or, is a potential, intangible "path" being addressed? would be interested to know. secondly, the last 8 lines are obviously very "gutsy," and really don't seem to "gel" with the rest of the poem. i arrived at them, and they almost shocked me based on the innocence of the rest of the piece. perhaps somethign could be done with the style/form to change this.
SCHWEEEEEEEEEEEEET! I LOVE this poem. The flow, the vocab, the forward thrusting cadence. 10!
Preach my pain also, oh how I long for those youthful days too. I appreciate this. 9
235 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
