Re: Too obvious by INTRANSIT	29-Jul-03/9:06 PM
what the hell are you doing up this late? popping zits?
Re: a comment on Sonnet for a Suicide by <~>	29-Jul-03/8:04 PM
no, no. the dead guy's shoes were off his feet.
Re: a comment on Sonnet for a Suicide by <~>	29-Jul-03/1:22 PM
well, the maggots had eaten through the plaid, you see.
Re: a comment on Sonnet for a Suicide by <~>	29-Jul-03/12:09 PM
nathalie, who found him, did not go to the wake. because she could not bear to tell the mother what she had really seen.
Re: How it should have happened by INTRANSIT	29-Jul-03/8:29 AM
save the last stanza. cut the rest. the last is the only one where you say what you really mean. maybe the problem is that you don't want to be honest with yourself in your poetry. maybe that is why you always abstract the meaning, hiding it in your own personal labyrinth.
Re: Robotic Plague by bon	29-Jul-03/8:24 AM
this is nice: The melodies we sang that compensate fond aches but you do try me with the rest of those phrases strung garishly together to beat upon my consciousness
Re: a comment on Taurus women and the pride by Shardik	29-Jul-03/7:15 AM
stubborn. willful. viscous when provoked. and the life of the party.
Re: Some die waiting, or laugh forgetting by Shardik	29-Jul-03/7:11 AM
nice one. alittle wrinkle here and there, but i felt it.
Re: a comment on After seven days in the sun by <~>	29-Jul-03/6:30 AM
rich, you need to shut up and write. have a nice drinkie, to get the juices flowing. float off in a skiff. put up a hammock. take off your shoes. have a hose fight with a kid. and stop watching so much damn disney. it's poison.
Re: a comment on After seven days in the sun by <~>	29-Jul-03/6:22 AM
why?
Re: Octopussed by <{Baba^Yaga}>	28-Jul-03/5:31 PM
8, for the legs now floating, dead.
Re: Gods Musician: Grave Digger by SupremeDreamer	28-Jul-03/9:21 AM
too many metaphors here, fighting each other.
Re: Part II:Rhetoric by http://bandgeek	28-Jul-03/9:07 AM
yep. it's the AA ones i know, or even worse, the codas, who can't even have their own addiction, so they have to piggyback someone else's.
Re: a comment on The Heart of a Man by Queen of Tease	28-Jul-03/8:55 AM
better.
Re: Candles by goddessbyfire	27-Jul-03/8:35 AM
gothtothemaxxxx
Re: Departing Suburbia by Caducus	25-Jul-03/8:19 AM
cad-- a few nitpicks: starved cravings--redundant ‘lets do lunch' bunch flow chart obssesives--corrected punctuation nice lines here: Sell a common man a common dream, Weave the fabric of society in to his seam,
Re: Jaded by Caducus	25-Jul-03/8:09 AM
better, but i have to say that the thing that struck me most the first time through was her pulling on your hair. that would make for a more memorable chorus than jealousy. just my opiniom, though... :)
Re: Jaded by Caducus	25-Jul-03/7:45 AM
Cad--the last line needs work. it should be stronger, especially after the tone of the song.
Re: The Frey by Southern_Bell	25-Jul-03/7:28 AM
the line spacing here is awkward. run spell check. if you're going to use a made-up word, justify it, dammit! POEMS DON'T NEED TO RHYME!!! other than that, good try!
Re: a comment on Feasting Ouroboros by <~>	24-Jul-03/12:51 PM
YES!!! thank you. ironically, i've been researching katmandu, but i had bangladesh in my head, from that lost-in-america poem.