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The Heart of a Man (Other) by Queen of Tease The heart of a man
Is so simple and thin
It is so stubborn
That it never gives in
The heart of a man
Is so different and plain
It has no emotions
Towards the women he has lain
The heart of a man
Is so small and black
It has no rhythm
For the feelings it lacks
The heart of a man
Is so mischevious and crude
It has no manners
For it is always rude
The heart of a man
Is so protective and possesive
It has no doubts
That it is always obsessive.
Up the ladder:
Migrating Storks
Down the ladder:
The Path of Least Resistance
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: July 27, 2003 1:07 PM PDT; Last modified: July 27, 2003 1:07 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.537883 Overall Rank: 2532 Comments:
Now I liked this.
Here's a tightening; The heart of a man Is so simple and thin It is so stubborn That it never gives in The heart of a man Is so different and plain It has no emotions Towards the women he's lain The heart of a man Is so small and black It has no rhythm For the feeling it lacks The heart of a man Is so mischevious and crude It has no manners and is always rude The heart of a man Is so protective and possesive It has no doubts That it's always obsessive. Yippee, let's square dance to it. 10!
better.
Metaphors sweetie, metaphors. As sweet as...
Thin like....etc. Also 'laid' rhymes enough with 'plain' that you don't need to use the word 'lain'. When i read that line I laughed, and that doesn't seem to be your intention. Also what does rhythm have to do with feeling emotions? If this poem is about something you have experienced then write about what happened to make you feel this way about him.
Errm, is this meant to be serious? Not a bad poem, but I can't tell if you're having a laugh or not...
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What have men done to you?
Or what have they not done for you?