regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-02/7:55 AM
all the 'the's and 'is's and '.'s make this very staccato. which is fine. but not like i want it to be. i want it to swagger, and i want bony hips out over tops of jeans seducing me with there lean swayings. you can do it. i think that's what you meant to do with this hard-edged slice. so, do it.
Re: one man opponent by chinstrap	23-Oct-02/8:00 AM
bitter to the last drop. delicious indigestion. lose the !
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-02/8:08 AM
i love you for that, tint
Re: "turd to yo mutha" daywalker shittalker by Bachus	23-Oct-02/8:19 AM
i'm reading ulysses, but that doesn't in any way impair my appreciation of this slam. damn.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-02/1:20 PM
and this was necessary because...?
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-02/1:44 PM
are you trying to garner the top 3 worst spots? if i were -=Dark_Angel=-, i'd be shakin' in my boots right now.
Re: Missing You by psychedelic	28-Oct-02/7:20 AM
the last line disappoints. the first 2 are setting us up...take us somewhere.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Oct-02/12:10 PM
his eyeliner smeared black across the turquiose tiles of his demise.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Oct-02/12:43 PM
and, 'mongst the community, there was a feast in honor of his crossing over. 'twas a sad feast, and there was much crying and gnashing of teeth. no white wine was served, not even with the fish. only blood-red-wine, and bitter, bitter tears...
Re: boy girl by little_angel_maria	28-Oct-02/1:23 PM
maria, this is so far beyond the other stuff you have posted in quality as to be unreal. lose the 'scoots.' though. other than that, this is great. you conveyed a vivd picture of a moment succintly. nice job.
Re: Mendacity by kiki	28-Oct-02/7:34 PM
not kiki freve, by chance?
Re: Worth the wait by INTRANSIT	29-Oct-02/4:35 AM
ah. yes. so it always is.
Re: Ignoranus by Yardbird	29-Oct-02/4:36 AM
perhaps he should have invited them to have a go at it with him instead?
Re: Ignoranus by Yardbird	29-Oct-02/4:36 AM
oh, very ni ce title ass well.
Re: Hve you ever..... v2 by INTRANSIT	29-Oct-02/12:12 PM
is this the one you thought was better?
Re: Hve you ever..... v2 by INTRANSIT	29-Oct-02/12:25 PM
the problem with this one is that it tells. i have no issue with a good bitch session now and again, and you've certainly earned one, but this one comes across as a litany of complaints about soul-shattering vignettes that are written off as unimportant. it spells everything out. it says, 'do i *have* to' or 'when are we going to *be* there'? it's whiny when you want it to be lonely. that's my take.
Re: Selfish by darby pyn	29-Oct-02/12:51 PM
also, switch the order of the first 2 lines. knuckles will be white before the crash, laddie.
Re: Another Tragic Love Poem by greym0on	30-Oct-02/6:53 AM
whatever did you so foolishly do? well, it does not matter. you have ripped a new tear in my heavily-scarred heart. curse you.
Re: i'm the jesse james of the seven-eleven chain by Bachus	30-Oct-02/7:02 AM
yee-haw.
Re: Jackanapes and smoke buttons by Bachus	30-Oct-02/7:05 AM
you were cleary not a good fit, jack. this is a painful read; you are getting closer. put down that kale gun, wouldja? the thing makes me nervous. here, have a canape, i mean, 10.