DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Hve you ever..... v2

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Oct 2002 · Edited 5 Nov 2002 · 9 comments

Have you ever driven through a downpour, and inches of standing water? Or through a snowstorm that made everything invisible? Or in a traffic jam that made you clutch till you were sore? If you have, then I welcome you, to the top of the cliff. And you may descend into the widening valley below. You will drive into the sun and be greeted by the hawk. You will drive into the moon and be chased by the mice... For you are home now. And your journey is just beginning.

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9 comments

[n/a] <~> 29-Oct-02/12:12 PM Reply

is this the one you thought was better?

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 29-Oct-02/12:19 PM Reply

Yes. And these stupid t\s computers are waylaying my pocketbook something fierce. Poemranker has become an addiction to me. Albeit a healthy one.

[n/a] <~> › INTRANSIT 29-Oct-02/12:21 PM Reply

you can surf fo' free at the public library... much less than kinko's at .16/min...

[n/a] <~> 29-Oct-02/12:25 PM Reply

the problem with this one is that it tells. i have no issue with a good bitch session now and again, and you've certainly earned one, but this one comes across as a litany of complaints about soul-shattering vignettes that are written off as unimportant. it spells everything out. it says, 'do i *have* to' or 'when are we going to *be* there'? it's whiny when you want it to be lonely. that's my take.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 29-Oct-02/12:33 PM Reply

Kinkos would be cheap compared to this animal. Actually, I was going for the small personal battles that seem like big ones at the time, transitioning over to the... actually I think I see what you are saying. I kind of feel like I'm putting dollars in your g-string right now, ha ha.

[n/a] <~> › INTRANSIT 29-Oct-02/12:42 PM Reply

well, i see the small trials angle of it, but you are complaining about them. now, as for the g-string, that's a nice thought, but i mostly 'go commando'.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 29-Oct-02/12:49 PM Reply

Au naturel is best! This needs, shortening, maybe? too much stuff is a little overwhelming,yes>?

[n/a] <~> 8-Nov-02/1:45 PM Reply

this feel like it wants to be 'may the road always rise to meet you' in flavor, but it's too uneven. needs more cohesive structuring, and less fragmented thinking. make it more lyrical, if that is the effect you were going for...

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 12-Nov-02/12:41 PM Reply

Soooooo, returning was just a practice run huh? Now the work really begins. I feel you leering over my shouder, but I asked for it. hooooboy.