| Re: Wha you funkin wan? by ==Doylum |
20-Aug-03/9:08 AM |
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bah. away so long, and this is your triumphant return? BAH!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-03/9:10 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-03/9:11 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-03/9:14 AM |
3: rliging is great.
7: null
9: dadaesque.
i enjoyed this feast of things.
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| Re: A Mod Proposal (of Modest Proportions) by coolassbob |
21-Aug-03/7:24 AM |
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funny. but i dinna see a proposal herein.
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| Re: stop poking me georges seurat by coolassbob |
21-Aug-03/7:25 AM |
i'll bet georges liked his peas.
i wonder what he drank?
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| Re: not titled by coolassbob |
21-Aug-03/7:27 AM |
shall i call you ismael?
i think you mean subscribe:
I do not _subscribe_ to a strict code of ethics.
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| Re: trying to cross the border to Sweetgrass by Patsy |
21-Aug-03/10:33 AM |
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i do not understand your line breaks.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Aug-03/10:37 AM |
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JB--wow, you really know how to beat a syllable into the ground. the bellicose repetition is very hard to get past. next time you sit at the keyboard, tuck that blunt instrument you call a rhyming dictionary back into the bookcase. it's gotta be tattered by now.
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| Re: When He's In Me by J.B. Manning |
21-Aug-03/7:03 PM |
nice build-up. i especially like "sweat so sweet that sour seems discreet".
typo: steel, not steal, right?
also: "Pain
Sparks
In my mind
Lightly slightly
Stimulates
And separates
Us from them"
who is us and who is them? gay/straight? something else? maybe it doesn't need to be explained, because this is about the heat, and i'm not wearing my inflammable cat suit tonight.
oh well.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Aug-03/7:47 PM |
tsk tsk. here you are, thinking you're clever, and trampling all over your own first amendment right to speak (and spell) english, and serve your metaphors up a la carte and kosher. Oh. see that? now you've gotten gravy on the peach cobbler. what a waste!
garcon! une, encore!
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| Re: A Manifesto on Murder by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
21-Aug-03/7:51 PM |
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surface snatching the cervix, as fee for service.
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| Re: A Surgeons Butchery by SupremeDreamer |
21-Aug-03/7:52 PM |
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this would benefit from the use of one or more poetic devices.
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| Re: fragile by Bill Z Bub |
21-Aug-03/7:55 PM |
singular or plural: decide.
"to be opened"--superfluous. can it. and "now"--nix that 2.
do a little more with the last line--maybe 'tumbke into your sheets'. it's there, waiting for you--go on, man! write the bastard down!
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| Re: The Angel at the arcade (this is actually an 'acne') by scitz |
22-Aug-03/11:01 AM |
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nice. love the countdown.
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| Re: D.I.Y.M Syndrome by Rilke4ClosetLesbians |
22-Aug-03/11:03 AM |
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| Re: D.I.Y.M Syndrome by Rilke4ClosetLesbians |
22-Aug-03/11:03 AM |
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| Re: Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus |
22-Aug-03/11:54 AM |
cad--nice first try. but. why. do. you. insist. on. writing. with. a. different. voice. than. the. one. you. speak. with., just. because. it's. a. sonnet???
see how fucking annoying that is?
don't try to be so noble. tell me about her breats, and how they mounded up, wet and lustrous, like pearls. tell me about the tangle of arame that dresses her..erm, 'cavern'... tell me about the sand in your crotch.
that's what i want to hear.
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| Re: One Sided Love by Caducus |
22-Aug-03/2:41 PM |
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| Re: fragile by Bill Z Bub |
22-Aug-03/10:54 PM |
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