| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Aug-03/8:17 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Aug-03/8:18 PM |
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| Re: Addiction leaving by death by LuckyJoe |
25-Aug-03/1:10 PM |
joe.
if you have been there, you should write about what happened. because this looks like bob dole wrote it.
you should subtitle this 'refer madness : the reprise' or 'drugs are bad, mmkay?'
no truth to it, and therefor, no vote.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Aug-03/1:26 PM |
crystal--this is forced, awkward language. you are tugging on the emotions of those who would skim the surface. if that satisfies you as a poet--thrashing out so much generic love-tripe, then, congratulations! you have truly become a poet!
but, just for fun, why don't you look at the dirty side of things? why not admit a truth you wouldn't have had the courage to, once? why not show things in a revelatory light, instead of theater lights? why not show me real life, gritty with detail, instead of daytime TV?
take off the rosy glasses. instead of admitting to yourself that you have the potential to be an addict, trot (or twirl, or tap, or what ever sort of dancing you do) down to a shelter, and teach a recovering addict word processing, or interview skills, or how to read. or maybe just rock a baby with aids. and then write this poem, if you have the balls to.
warning--should you decide to test these waters, get the bonfire ready, because every single on of your innocent verses will be dancing high at F451.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Aug-03/1:28 PM |
this has been said before, and better. thousands of times. show me something new.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Aug-03/1:29 PM |
if he/she makes you so alive, what triggers it?
details, girl! god is in the details.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Aug-03/1:31 PM |
man. if i didn't know better, i'd say you have a major martyr complex. but i have read the rest of your work, and i know that you don't.
and i wonder if you intended that tone for this piece?
i wonder if you had a goal in mind when you wrote it?
unusual line breaks do not a poem make.
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| Re: let's pretend that we can write! by val |
25-Aug-03/5:52 PM |
so, wait, let me get this straight--you buy into the whole who's who bullshit, and you criticize the ranker? the most advanced forum for literary comeraderie in the civilzed world???
HOW DARE YOU!!
BANISHED!!!
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| Re: the space between by impert&ent |
25-Aug-03/5:54 PM |
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extremely satisfying. in a chop wood, carry water kind of way.
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| Re: Laundry Day by impert&ent |
25-Aug-03/7:08 PM |
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| Re: To be discontinued by impert&ent |
25-Aug-03/7:09 PM |
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| Re: Halves by impert&ent |
25-Aug-03/7:12 PM |
halves severs it. but maybe you meant to?
other than that, no beef from me.
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| Re: My Show at the Whiskey a Go Go on the 26th of August 2003 by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
25-Aug-03/7:27 PM |
nadine will know where they are. or at least where the other set is.
good luck, jeremi. not that you'll need it. wish i could be there. but i have an ex husband to meet, and a condo to sell. ah, life.
will it be taped?
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| Re: blink by VorioBuche |
25-Aug-03/10:09 PM |
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| Re: Laundry Day by impert&ent |
26-Aug-03/7:32 AM |
suggestion for opening revision:
Find the difference between a bedsheet and a phone call.
Both hang off a line
Both, means for entangling ourselves
In every desire.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Aug-03/7:39 AM |
hate the passive voice, richa. and what does 'brown' add? please tell me what you meant by it.
your work is so spare--make every word count.
and do you mean to have 'gone' be plural?
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| Re: I'm Back! by wEdible Underpantsw |
26-Aug-03/7:39 AM |
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rejoice! we are truly blessed!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Aug-03/8:34 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Aug-03/10:46 AM |
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oh, indeed. i vot you make it onto the worst list, you evil thing!!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Aug-03/11:52 AM |
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