| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Addiction leaving by death (Free verse) by LuckyJoe These drugs inside me,
They have long since taken over.
Running thick as blood, through my vanes.
Having concurred my mind,
Making me now question is Iâm sane.
Sense I once had is gone;
Out the window it went waving so long.
Like a song stuck in my head,
Withdraw always repeating; making me ill.
Intake a little moreâ¦
Found in a trance starring at the door.
Entering forth to this hell to renew my high.
I sigh thinking of what could beâ¦
If only I could stand and walk away,
Not come back the next day.
Again Iâm backâ¦
The pain of withdraw overcame,
Is it my addiction that makes me this way?
Or is it my fear of what reality has in store.
Get loaded forget about everything but feeling.
This wonderful feeling having no shame, mellow.
Stuck in this world not being able to worry.
Life seems to be fading away.
This is something new,
My heart is racing, skipping a beat.
Pacing so fast, the pounding is unbearable.
Vision is fading everything a blur.
Walk to the restroom to gather myself.
Relieving pressure, shaking canât aim.
Pain is taking over⦠took too much.
Reaching for helpâ¦
Grabbing for support donât want to fall.
Nothing stable, come crashing down.
On the ground taking my last look,
Inside my chest feeling a balloon burst.
Death is now inside me,
The blur fadingâ¦dissipatingâ¦darknessâ¦
Up the ladder:
what is meant to be after me?
Down the ladder:
Bitter Yes
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Posted: August 25, 2003 5:57 AM PDT; Last modified: August 25, 2003 5:57 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.029801 Overall Rank: 7280 Comments:
[1]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
|
25-Aug-03/10:52 AM
|
Reply
Veins VEINS! you fucking idiot.
[n/a]
Don-Quixote @ 69.19.181.142
> horus8
|
25-Aug-03/1:00 PM
|
Reply
lmao.
Man.. you need to look this over.. really.. because it looks like a chinese peasant with english as a second language wrote this.
Plus, have you actually done drugs?..
joe.
if you have been there, you should write about what happened. because this looks like bob dole wrote it. you should subtitle this 'refer madness : the reprise' or 'drugs are bad, mmkay?' no truth to it, and therefor, no vote.
I'll agree that it needs work. But I don't agree that it sounds like something bob dole would write. I'm a recovering druggy I've been there I've done and felt the stuff in this poem. Do you know what it feels like wanting to quit and not being able to...keep saying you're going to and everyday again you're doing something to get by. Get excited for weeks and sit around in a trance without a thought in your head.
What made me decide it was time to give everything up was when I had a breakdown... I wake shaking out of control, my heart racing a million beats a minute. Everyone has an idea of what drugs do... but they don't have a real clue until they've had to start start at zero and below and rebuild their life because of how deep into them they were. It took near death for me to finally see the light.
okay, well, tell me some of the somethings you did to get by. in detail. make it real. did you steal from your mom? blow strangers?
because this is boiled down. and sanitized. it hints at big bad things. you know, the way parents do when they tell you not to do something, and your first thought was, bull-shit. specifics make a poem, joe. if you're sleeping in your car for a while (that way they can't FIND your car), without a permanent address, and you're buying catfood instead of paying back your grandfather... you see what i am saying? make me believe you lived it. this is more like crystal lane swift's pablum than anything real. god bless the girl for her innocence, and for her faith, but she cannot write a poem to save her life. she's too sugar-coated. maybe i'm too jaded? i don't think so. show me someone who has not suffered. okay, maybe -=Dark_Angel=- hasn't. he's got it all.
*smiles* Thanks for the help hun. I'll work on it some when I get home from work. Guess my main part with writing is I want to give a message, so I write one given way to make the person see what it is that I want to say. If I'm going to be writing to entertain others I'm going to have to start writing for them...not for myself.
Again I thank you for all the information and help in this battle. Always... lucky
but joe, can't you see that when you say, "Guess my main part with writing is I want to give a message, so I write one given way to make the person see what it is that I want to say"what you are saying is that YOU ARE WRITING FOR OTHERS. let them walk alongside you.
feel the cold. the rain. the sun. the breeze. that's got to work so much better than telling them how it is. see?
hey there! how have you been? i have been pretty good. i wrote a few new pieces of poetry. so far The Captian is the only one that has good marks. oh well = ) at least i am enjoying myself. ttyl
155 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
