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Halves (Free verse) by impert&ent
Give up some words, petal. Let them drift casually through your fingers. Let them go. On the palm of slight breezes. I’ve witnessed a few births But not my own. Imago mundi Your face in the sun. A crown of rays The flower of creation. Who knows what a mother feels As she watches a daughter Some part of herself Slipping casually Into the world and through her fingers.

Up the ladder: Omerta el prostitute
Down the ladder: First Love

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.5555553
Weighted score: 6.2777777
Overall Rank: 888
Posted: July 22, 2003 10:28 AM PDT; Last modified: July 22, 2003 10:46 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Free2Rhyme15 @ 209.214.109.116 | 22-Jul-03/1:07 PM | Reply
that is very pretty! good work!
[10] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.146.90 | 22-Jul-03/7:08 PM | Reply
beautiful. Nice juxtaposition of the coming and going at the end.
[7] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 22-Jul-03/9:02 PM | Reply
Decent, and powerful.
[8] ecargo @ 208.249.92.99 | 23-Jul-03/7:41 AM | Reply
Some really nice lines and the overall idea is poignant and handled pretty well. I'm not sure who you're talking to in the first stanza--the daughter, I assume? yourself?--or how it ties into the rest--releasing words and "releasing" a child? Needs a clearer connection. I think your ending would be stronger if you lopped off the last line and ended on 'world'. Minor stuff--use what you can. Well done!
[10] daniella @ 200.68.193.7 | 23-Jul-03/5:04 PM | Reply
i see a little world reflecting in your eyes here.. welling up a desire to see the other halves.
[8] <~> @ 64.252.17.3 | 25-Aug-03/7:12 PM | Reply
halves severs it. but maybe you meant to?

other than that, no beef from me.
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