poemranker ::Halves by impert&ent

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Free verse № 57039

Halves

by impert&ent

Member since 2003 · Posted 22 Jul 2003 · Edited 22 Jul 2003 · 6 comments

Give up some words, petal. Let them drift casually through your fingers. Let them go. On the palm of slight breezes. I’ve witnessed a few births But not my own. Imago mundi Your face in the sun. A crown of rays The flower of creation. Who knows what a mother feels As she watches a daughter Some part of herself Slipping casually Into the world and through her fingers.

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mean 7.56 weighted 6.28 rank 900 views 261 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

6 comments

[10] Free2Rhyme15 22-Jul-03/1:07 PM Reply
that is very pretty! good work!
[10] http://mulberryfairy 22-Jul-03/7:08 PM Reply
beautiful. Nice juxtaposition of the coming and going at the end.
[7] horus8 22-Jul-03/9:02 PM Reply
Decent, and powerful.
[8] ecargo 23-Jul-03/7:41 AM Reply
Some really nice lines and the overall idea is poignant and handled pretty well. I'm not sure who you're talking to in the first stanza--the daughter, I assume? yourself?--or how it ties into the rest--releasing words and "releasing" a child? Needs a clearer connection. I think your ending would be stronger if you lopped off the last line and ended on 'world'. Minor stuff--use what you can. Well done!
[10] daniella 23-Jul-03/5:04 PM Reply
i see a little world reflecting in your eyes here.. welling up a desire to see the other halves.
[8] <~> 25-Aug-03/7:12 PM Reply
halves severs it. but maybe you meant to?

other than that, no beef from me.