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Halves (Free verse) by impert&ent

Give up some words, petal. Let them drift casually through your fingers. Let them go. On the palm of slight breezes. I’ve witnessed a few births But not my own. Imago mundi Your face in the sun. A crown of rays The flower of creation. Who knows what a mother feels As she watches a daughter Some part of herself Slipping casually Into the world and through her fingers.

ecargo 23-Jul-03/7:41 AM
Some really nice lines and the overall idea is poignant and handled pretty well. I'm not sure who you're talking to in the first stanza--the daughter, I assume? yourself?--or how it ties into the rest--releasing words and "releasing" a child? Needs a clearer connection. I think your ending would be stronger if you lopped off the last line and ended on 'world'. Minor stuff--use what you can. Well done!




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